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I have said yes to a date by mistake. (lemm.ee)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

63 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Met a 22 yo in a group I am involved in, she asked if I wanted a lift to a meeting, there and back. I don't know her very well but she's young a lot younger than me by 10years.

So talking on the way back she mentions antidepressants, I too take anti depressants, the conversation moves towards SSRIs and sex. I panic because that shit makes me supper uncomfortable, she said some stuff that was a blatant hint. Anyway me and her have activity later in the week for the group we're in, she's invited me out for a drink after and being friendly and uncomfortable I said yea sure.

How best to proceed? I don't want things to be weird and our group get weird as a result. I wish I could set boundaries.

Worth mentioning I have crazy anxiety so don't judge too hard I mostly run on auto pilot in those situations.

(page 2) 14 comments

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (11 children)

The lower limit is half your age plus seven, so if you're 32 years old then it makes sense to feel uncomfortable. Are you even attracted to her?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you're totally uninterested, independently of potential awkwardness, I'd basically explain as much. "I think you're cool and we have a lot in common, but I've been thinking and realized I might not be comfortable with the age difference and potentially changing the group dynamic."

If it's purely the potential external consequences that have you ready to cut off the possibility, and you could actually see yourself in a relationship with them, I'd say you could mention that concern, but don't let it make the decision for you. Sounds like this is someone likely to understand social anxiety and who also values the group dynamic, so I doubt they'd react super negatively to mentioning that you want to be careful about that and preserve it while seeing if there's more there between the two of you.

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[–] [email protected] 125 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Best to talk to her before anything else and explain that you're flattered, but not interested. Don't lead her on.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (5 children)

This is probably the best approach. I'm a bit of a people pleaser which doesn't help in these situations, I was lowkey hopping a commenter might suggest avoidance 😂

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Oooor, don't shut everyone and everything out and maybe give it a try? They are both adults nej?

[–] [email protected] 61 points 3 months ago

OP has directly stated that they are uncomfortable with the situation. This isn't even getting into analysis of social power dynamics yet, OP is uninterested, full stop.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Are you Swedish?

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