What's the difference between a duck?
this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2025
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Okay, I was a child of 12 or so at my local gym with a friend. We were talking and some old guy we didn't know came up and asked us this. We stared at him, dumbfounded for a few moments before he said, "it has no legs."
He walked away and I never saw him again.
He's wrong. The original riddle is making fun of riddles, and so has no answer. Someone, might have been the same guy, walked up to me in a grocery store, as I was looking at mangoes. And he said, "If you eat a mango every day for 75 years, you'll live a long life." And he walked away.
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Most of my dumb jokes don't work in English, but here's some that do:
- A Buddhist goes to the hot dog stall. What does he ask for? "Make me one with everything."
- You heard about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted some space!
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Q: Why does Edward Woodward have so many 'd's in his name?
A: Because without them he'd be called Ewar Woowar.
Whenever my passwords are insecure, I offer them a few encouraging words.
There were two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?"
Woman buying a fish: "Do you have a plastic bag with that?" Fishmonger: "There is already one in the fish mam"
Where did lil Napoleon hide his lil armies?
In his lil sleevies!
What do you call two mental patients in bed together?
Two nuts in the sack.
Two muffins are in an oven.
One goes, "It sure is hot in here."
The other muffin says, "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
This is my casual go to, love freaking out as the second muffin.
Stalactites hang tight to the ceiling, stalagmites build up from the ground with all their might, but when they meet in the middle? You grab your phone and ya call 'em!
... It's called a column.
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick
What's brown and red and sticky?
Another bloody stick.
What's brown and runny?
Usain Bolt
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre.
Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?
Fo drizzle.
What do you call an elephant that you can only access remotely? A telephant.
EDIT: Damn autocorrect.
It's green and goes downhill. A skiwi.
I didn’t invent this but I was really proud that I ‘got’ this readers digest joke from the bathroom copy when I was 10? and it’s stuck with me.
Person A is on the elevator and Person B gets on
Person A: “You look like Helen Brown”
Person B: “You don’t look so good in black either”