this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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I don’t get it, really. Maybe I’ve just been really lucky.
I have not been single for more than about 5 months since I was 13 (aside from a short window between 18 and 20 when I worked at an office full of people in their 50s and had no contact with anyone my own age). When my ex and I split after about 13 years, I had several flings between that and meeting my wife. I didn’t go looking for them either. I never once made a pass at any woman until she first said something obvious to me. I don’t do subtlety at all.
I’m not attractive, I’m not tall. I haven’t settled and been with anyone I didn’t find attractive or intelligent (only once, directly after the split with my ex, I was a wreck. She was pretty, but dumb as a box of rocks. I was projecting things onto her that weren’t true at all because of the state that I was in).
I am a musician in a small town though, and almost every girl I ever dated was deeply into music and it usually started from there.
It could just be luck, but I really do believe it has everything to do with confidence and being sure of oneself. I have issues, and a lot of them, but I don’t hold back and I never have. The people who don’t like me have an honest reason not to and the people who do don’t have to guess with me.
I have always been unapologetically who I am wherever I go.
I also prefer the company of no one and spend most of my time in isolation and I’ve still had good luck.
I’m getting older now though, and I’m a stay at home dad these days and more isolated than I’ve ever been. I would say that if my wife were to leave me today, I’d be alone for a very long time.
I’m not bragging here either, I’m not about that kind of thing at all. I’m obviously coming from a position of privilege, be it luck or whatever I have going on here that gives me that privilege. I really do think it would be easier for other men though if they’d find confidence and become very passionate about something that women can relate to. My passion for music has definitely, definitely, definitely helped me.
I even spent many years struggling with drug addiction, would not date anyone who had that problem in common with me, and I still found sober women who were willing to tolerate me.
I don’t know. I just hope that if you feel hopelessly alone and you read this comment, it will give you some hope.
Edit:
Don’t just downvote. Discuss it you bitter twat lol. Seriously. I’d like to see your perspective on the matter.
This is the secret btw.
It has a lot to do with it, but I’ve only ever been with one fellow musician. None of the other women played music. They just liked music.