this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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Well, the biggest change in our case was that she basically did not want to be touched for the whole pregnancy plus a full year afterwards. To provide some context and what I mean, she'd get annoyed with holding hands, and really frustrated with hugging. Physical contact is big for me, so that was really rough. Then, she convinced me that every pregnancy is different and that probably wouldn't happen the next time (it did). It's been over a decade, and I've basically just come to terms with the fact that sex really isn't a part of our relationship anymore. That was a really, really difficult thing to adjust to, but I did adjust to it. I eventually saw that it had to be a choice, and had to ask myself what was more important. I decided that I liked my relationship with my wife and my kids better than I liked sex. I'm not going to try and convince you that it's better; it's not, it's just different, and I'm good with that. Definitely not everyone would be, YMMV.
I don't want to frighten you, OP, I'm just telling you my lived experience. It really is different for every person, and having kids is not an easy thing, so it's going to change you. You can't say how your partner may change any more than you can know how much you'll change in five years. Only you and your partner can decide what you're both willing to put up with. If you want to stay with them, do it. If not, don't.
Sounds like a medical issue for her tbh. That sucks.
No it's very normal for dead bedroom after having kids. For some women the sexual drive is purely an instinctual thing to reproduce, nothing to do with enjoyment
Go on deadbedrooms subreddit and there are thousands of identical scenarios to this
That's a very negative and unproductive subreddit, one of the reasons I left Reddit. I also felt that way at one point.
Your statement is verifiably false. Women's hormones shift during and after pregnancy, and reduction (or sometimes increase) in libido is natural. Breastfeeding is well known for reducing, it also acts like birth control. OTC Birth control also commonly reduces libido. Physically sex is difficult during pregnancy.
My pregnant wife and I have dealt with this by learning other ways to show affection, a lot of communication, and setting clear boundaries. It's a challenge we were ready to tackle, so no regrets or incel/deadbedroom feelings here, just wholesome family love. But yes the shift is difficult at times. I had a very high libido before and it dropped off a cliff for the first time in my life. Actually it's been a relief.
We think it's probably PCOS, but the ~~death panel~~ insurance won't pay for the test, so we're treating empirically. It improved some of her symptoms, but not that one, and I'm cool with it. I've accepted that this is our relationship.