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how did you and your partner change after having a baby? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

19 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/30568522

I've heard several stories about couples that suddenly stop having sex, start snapping at each other for stupid bs, your girlfriend who was so sweet and supporting becomes her mother, a raging, yelling psychopath, looking for excuses to be passive aggressive, inviting her friends back home when all you want to do is rest after your workday, your boyfriend, so passionate about you is suddenly cold towards you and wants to be left alone. Before having a child you were inseparable, now it's like you hate each other and rant about your loved one with your friends...

I couldn't survive such a radical personality change.

Does this phase eventually runs its course?

How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

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[–] [email protected] -3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

No it's very normal for dead bedroom after having kids. For some women the sexual drive is purely an instinctual thing to reproduce, nothing to do with enjoyment

Go on deadbedrooms subreddit and there are thousands of identical scenarios to this

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

That's a very negative and unproductive subreddit, one of the reasons I left Reddit. I also felt that way at one point.

Your statement is verifiably false. Women's hormones shift during and after pregnancy, and reduction (or sometimes increase) in libido is natural. Breastfeeding is well known for reducing, it also acts like birth control. OTC Birth control also commonly reduces libido. Physically sex is difficult during pregnancy.

My pregnant wife and I have dealt with this by learning other ways to show affection, a lot of communication, and setting clear boundaries. It's a challenge we were ready to tackle, so no regrets or incel/deadbedroom feelings here, just wholesome family love. But yes the shift is difficult at times. I had a very high libido before and it dropped off a cliff for the first time in my life. Actually it's been a relief.