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How should I refer to a transgender person that I only knew before their transition? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.

Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.

Of course I'm happy for her now, but I'm not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.

Should I say, Sarah and I used to...

Or Sam and I used to...

I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?

I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just ignorant :)

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It seems like scholars use different names as a form of historicization.

I'll keep that in mind when I'm being historicized. This just seems so far out of the daily experience of normal people that I don't really find it relevant.

The name the man himself actually wanted to be known as is El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz

It seems like this is the only justification that matters. Just because everyone currently refers to him by Malcom X doesn't mean it's valid or correct. It just means nobody is respecting his wishes which is pretty analogous to getting deadnamed.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

I'll keep that in mind when I'm being historicized. This just seems so far out of the daily experience of normal people that I don't really find it relevant.

I guess I'm asking because of this specific case. This is a person that I only knew before they transitioned.