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How should I refer to a transgender person that I only knew before their transition? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.

Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.

Of course I'm happy for her now, but I'm not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.

Should I say, Sarah and I used to...

Or Sam and I used to...

I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?

I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just ignorant :)

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago

i invoke my dead name in the past tense to quote people talking to/at me, but otherwise i refer to past self as my chosen name.

using the new name is more respectful, helps you learn the name yourself, helps you associate that person with the new name, and using the deadname just means you're more likely to use it in even less justifiable contexts.

I dont even hate my dead name! I made it my middle name! but absolutely still... use the new name.