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How should I refer to a transgender person that I only knew before their transition? (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Okay, writing the title I feel like the answer is obvious but bear with me.

Growing up, I had a male friend for 10+ years. We fell out of touch, and 5 years later I discovered that they transitioned and they now go by a different name.

Of course I'm happy for her now, but I'm not sure how to refer to her in the context of our friendship. For example, bringing up an old story to my family. Suppose her deadname is Sam and she is now called Sarah.

Should I say, Sarah and I used to...

Or Sam and I used to...

I never knew her after her transition, but I suppose she was always a her?

I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just ignorant :)

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 day ago (1 children)

for me personally i never want my deadname used again, i expect people to use my current name retroactively. i feel like this is the more common perspective, but that's admittedly vibes based.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 day ago

Hey, your vibes are more valuable than mine on the subject! I'll use her current name and correct those who object :)

Thanks for your input!