this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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My experience has been that being emotionally open tends to make people withdraw. Should it be that way? Of course not. Should I get better friends? Yeah, that would be cool, and I wish that was as easy to do as it is to say. I've found that many relationships and friendships end up being somewhat transactional; people are there for the good times, but aren't interested in the emotional labor when shit gets real. I try to be there for people when they're going through shit, but that doesn't seem to be reciprocated.
If I sound bitter, well, I am. And cynical.
A lot of people I had thought were friends ghosted me when I failed to complete suicide and had a 72 hour hold. My ex-spouse held me in utter contempt because I was struggling emotionally. A lot of people I had known for a decade or more ghosted me when my ex-spouse and I were getting divorced; in fact, I only got to keep one friend in that divorce.
I suspect that this is part of the experience of being on the autism spectrum.
Yeah it depends on who you do it with. Part of emotional intelligence is knowing what the limits others have is, but if you're unable to even state that you are going to be in a bad mood then that's less than a friendship.
As for the suicide attempt, that's something incredibly heavy for anyone. I don't completely blame them, but at the same time, you'd expect something, not full on ghosting. It's like they're the ones who commited suicide, sheesh.
And lastly about the spectrum... It makes you think that people are rational, logical, that they will keep in mind the trades you've done and will pay you back eventually. The truth is: People are irrational shits.
Mate, come join us at the @[email protected] group on Mastodon. There are a lot of fellow autists who will be there to lend an ear if you need to vent or need some practical advice. I recommend the autistics.life instance. I have the same issue irl, people will expect me to be there when they need me, but now that I need someone on my side, they'll happily throw me under the bus. You're not alone, even if it's just a few randos online.
Man that is a raw deal. I worry about my friend circle if my partner ever left me. I suck at making friends, so most of the people I know now are through her.
Yeah, that sounds sadly typical for guys. I wonder where the cool emotionally available people all are?