Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
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Personally I do not assume anything about a user’s instance (or look at it at all usually). But I do pay attention to the instance a community belongs to, because some instances have significant numbers of hostile people that belong to them (Lemmy.ml is a prominent example). Personally I would not want to belong to that instance because it would put me into more contact with those people.
I think there are some instances that are more averse to defederation, and based on what you’ve said, those might be a better home for you.