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I'm still friendly with my in-laws, but I will never respect or trust them in quite the same way.
They're very liberal and proud to "believe the science!", always making fun of conservative anti-vaxxers.
And yet, during a major COVID wave, they went bar hopping without telling us (we were all going to a family member's wedding, so my partner and I were trying to be VERY cautious and avoid bringing any germs to this wedding). Then they coughed all night without bothering to test. And once they tested positive, they started googling different countries' COVID policies looking for any guidance that would "let" them go to the wedding. With the bride's 90-year-old grandpa in attendance.
On the plane ride back, I emphasized the importance of wearing N-95s in case we were still contagious ... but as soon as I got up to pee, I realized they were both napping UNMASKED.
But somehow they're not the problem. If only those stupid Trumpies would wear masks, then we wouldn't have a pandemic.
We had an awkward semi-falling out over this at the time. And yet, the next time we visited his family, people were coughing all over the place AGAIN, and no one had tested AGAIN. (This was over the holidays, so I would have been "stuck" there and unable to see my own family if anyone actually had COVID, which thankfully they didn't this time.)
At this point, I've just come to understand and accept it. His parents were always the fun ones - they have people over all the time, they'll cook for you, they can hold their liquor, they'll light up a joint while blasting Grateful Dead. They're also politically vocal and super woke for their age.
But don't expect them to be honest if it might interrupt their fun. Don't rely on them. Because really, they only care about other people when it's either fashionable or convenient.
My mother raised me to see “I’m one of the good guys” as a part of who I was. I was so sure that I was a good person, because basically I was raised to believe it. As an axiom, almost.
But as I’ve finally started to accept my shadow, that I’m not an angel, it’s given me a view into how much good I actually do in the world and I realized me having warm fuzzy feelings for cute things doesn’t make me a good person. In fact, I’m kind of shitty because I sneak around doing shit I know people would be mad at me doing, I make promises I would know I’m going to break, if I simply looked at my track record realistically.
It made me realize there’s a segment of culture where you basically see yourself as the good guys as an axiom, or as a super weak conclusion from observing your own guilt, compassion, kindness, etc.
Or because I would never consciously, deliberately set out to wrong someone. I mean, I wronged people all the time by misleading them about how committed I was, about what I would deliver, how capable I was, etc.
I’m having trouble describing how deep, and irrational, this belief in my own good-sider nature. Like, if I’d put myself into the Star Wars universe, I’d see myself as a Jedi. Despite the fact I spent days, months, decades even indulging in exactly what Yoda described as the path to the Dark Side.