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The ability to relax. I have a special needs child who constantly screams at us. We have no respite because none of our relatives are willing to deal with him anymore. All of his therapies and medical bills have nearly bankrupt me. My wife is suffering from PTSD because of it. We are on every waiting list for state resources but so far nothing.
Even as I tried to write this comment, I had to stop what I was doing because my wife went to the bathroom, and my son decided to yell at her because she left a pot on the stove.
I am completely incapable of relaxing anymore. If I do get a chance I'll just be racked with intrusive thoughts. Like last night I was watching Stranger Things and when I saw a kid on there with braces, all I could think was, "I need to get my son braces. But since he can't handle someone touching his face, it is going to be a nightmare. He's 13 and I still have to monitor his teethbrushing, who knows how much it will suck with braces. It will also be way more expensive because we'll have to sedate him, for every appointment" Then I spiral down from there. This is just one small example.
I'm in therapy and on meds for it. And so is my wife. I wish I lived in a state with legal marijuana because it's the only thing I've found that will actually help me relax. At this point we are actually considering selling our house, so we can afford to send him to a boarding school that is designed for kids like him. And maybe then we can get some respite.
Man that's rough, I feel for you. I'm also on a waiting list for support for my kid. Some days are better than others but it can be really tough. Sorry to hear you're going through that.
Thanks and same to you.