this post was submitted on 02 Oct 2024
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Yes. I once saw an episode of Maury where a man found out he wasn't the genetic father of his 1 year old daughter, and he started crying and then punching the floor. Is that toxic masculinity or is that a person being sad?
Crying signals sadness. Punching signals danger.
No, punching signals anger. Anger doesn't have to be dangerous - for instance punching a wall, or the floor. Emotions are normal, we don't always deal with them in the most optimal manner, but I wouldn't label someone beating up the floor because he just found out he was NOT the father as "dangerous".
I'd be more forgiving that it's a pretty extreme scenario most people won't experience in their lives, but I do think we have a responsibility to handle our emotions in healthy ways. Punching shit is dangerous. You can hurt yourself, and even if not, it's a signal to me that you are capable of causing harm because you can't control your anger. I'm not sticking around to find out my body may be next.
Keep in mind, anger is often if not usually a secondary emotion to pain, fear, sadness, etc. Anger can be a great motivator, but again, how it's expressed is important. Use your words, find some other action that doesn't scare people (like take boxing classes where that's the point), or process it on your own first.
I'd say taking it out on a toilet stall would fall into at least attempting to not scare someone. Unless you're like, terrified of property damage you probably didn't witness happen. It's a wall in a secluded place designed for privacy. I can EASILY picture a scenario where someone receives bad news, goes to the bathroom to have their mental break in relative privacy, and slams their fist into the wall a bit harder than intended. This looks like one hit to me, so it's not like they're sitting there hammering away at the wall. That plaster is EASY to put a hole in. Life is messy, people are generally trying their best, no one got hurt, let's extend empathy rather than mockery.
I hope I wasn't coming across as mocking? On the flip side, we should be able to laugh at ourselves...Some people laugh because they're uncomfortable. If you want us to be empathetic to someone losing their shit for a sec, try to have some empathy for those that it scares. You don't have to witness it for it to have an emotional impact.
I didn't get any mockery from you directly, no. I have a bit of a sarcastic or overly dramatic flair from time to time, so I do apologize if it came across as aggravated or anything.
I think the most empathetic thing to do for all parties would be to repair the wall. Then no one has to relive this obvious mistake. I'm merely making a case for extending empathy rather than judgement.
For what its worth, yeah, you can be scared of someone who has broken a wall. People react to things differently, I'm not going to say you're not allowed to, and would quite prefer everyone be treated with respect and empathy. Honestly, though- is having a terror response to a simple broken wall with no context ANY better than (this is from another comment in the thread, I know these aren't your words) having an anger response to losing at fantasy football?
Edit: ooooh I did say let's not extend mockery. That was directed at the meme in general, the building mgmt mocking the situation rather than just fixing it.
Gotcha, I hear you. I didn't mean that seeing the wall without context is normal to have a terror response to, either, but I think we're in agreement otherwise. Tear down the walls by repairing the wall :P
Agreed! Good chat with you, I enjoy these kinds of conversations, at least with reasonable people hahah. Take care, friend.
Crying presets vulnerability that is looked down on.
See, if anything, this comment should be framed and labeled toxic masculinity.
In an effort to extend as much charity and empathy possible, what makes you say that? In my experience, it's not a hard and fast rule, the people who exploit those emotions are just shitty people. I've definitely felt that people were using my own sadness or other emotional vulnerabilities against me, and I've felt the opposite - love and support getting through those emotions. I tossed out the people who used me, and kept the ones around who supported me.
Edit: hahah, kinda foot in mouth here, I just realized you're the guy who posted about Medicare and jobs earlier, and I kinda mocked you here. Imma leave this post as it stands, because I think it's a good conversation starter. I'll try to do better moving forward!
I'm not sure what you mean.
The episode of Maury I saw, the guy found out he wasn't the father and started break dancing all over the stage, it was great.