this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2024
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Unpopular Opinion

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There’s nothing wrong with criticism or calling out bad behavior. However, shouting "ACAB" in a thread about police violence, making jokes about beheading rich people, or throwing "muskrat" comments in discussions about Elon Musk, just to name a few examples, makes you an asshole and part of the reason why social media is so incredibly toxic.

If you're doing that while also explaining why you feel that way, then it’s still not the best approach, but at least you're contributing to the conversation instead of just making noise. Throwing out insults without adding substance doesn't challenge anyone or encourage meaningful discussion; it just perpetuates the toxic environment that so many of us complain about.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I have some perspective on this that's a bit hard to share, but I'll try to do so briefly. My partner had a very traumatic upbringing and has spent several years processing all of that trauma in therapy. She has occasionally said things while in an activated state that she later came to deeply regret. When she has said these hurtful things, I've been able to see an injured and frightened 18, 15, 12, 10, 7, or 5 year old kid lashing out as the only defense to an existential threat. There was no existential threat in our time or place, but the trapped knot of trauma that was smashed into her brain by her circumstances saw it as one and tried to survive. With that understanding, it became hard to feel anything but sadness and compassion on the very rare occasion when her anger turned to me.

This has had a profound impact on how I view angry discourse out in the world. Most people haven't been through the shit my partner has, but most people have absolutely been through something terrible that has wounded them. Those wounds often turn into trauma, and that trauma can sometimes explode out into the world.

I don't think that having trauma means that adults aren't responsible for their actions. My philosophy is that every person has a duty to take care of themselves and to not harm others, in that order. Harming someone else is not acceptable to me unless it must be done to protect your present self. I just no longer feel like I am able to assign blame or worthiness to these types of comments and the people making them. When I see someone saying something like "ACAB" and expressing really painful trauma, I think of my partner and all the pain she's gone through and all the work she's done to get to the bright place she's at today.

All of this is to say that I just can't agree with calling them assholes. I think that there are times when they could be misguided and hurtful and even harmful, but that makes me sad rather than angry. The comments that make me angry are the ones made in bad faith, but thankfully the block and report buttons are easy to reach.

I'm curious about the incident you mentioned. Would you be able to link it to me? I might like to comment over there if possible.

EDIT: I was not, in fact, brief.

EDIT: Found it: https://kbin.earth/m/[email protected]/t/353424/-/comment/2994009
I'm shit at the fediverse so sorry for my dumb link. I think there's a better way to link stuff, but I don't know what or how even.