NSFL warning
This year, in a bizarre effort to make the Oklahoma State Fair smell even worse than it already does, Dent Source sponsored and organized a competition called the Stinkin’ Sentra Giveaway.
Similar to the B.O. GEO competition of years past, the premise is simple: four people are sent to live inside one Nissan Sentra in an outdoor fair exhibit. The contestants are only allowed to leave the car once every three hours for a 15-minute bathroom break, and anything they bring into the car—like discarded food, trash, or a carnie scalp—has to stay in the car. The last person to leave wins the car.
According to local media reports, the competition concluded this past weekend. The winner was Brian Richmond, who outlasted the other three contestants and, according to witnesses, looks like he smells like a Walmart:
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Brian’s victory in the Stinkin’ Sentra competition didn’t come without some smelly and disgusting controversy.
Meet Chris Deschner. He’s the guy who finished second in the competition, leaving the car after 80 hours of being trapped inside.
In a Facebook video, Chris claims he exited the vehicle only after Brian went full Mr. Hankey and brought a cup of human excrement from the port-a-potty into the car following a bathroom break!
Yep, you read that right. The winner brought a cup of human excrement from the port-a-potty into the car following a bathroom break. If you need to take a quick break to throw up in your mouth, feel free.
Chris protested Brian’s septic stunt to contest organizers, but after holding a quick tribunal—hopefully while wearing hazmat suits—the Dent Source team determined that bringing human excrement into the Sentra was a violation of competition rules, but not enough to disqualify Brian.
They removed the cup from the car and told Chris and Brian to resume play.
Unfortunately, Chris couldn’t mentally recover from this clear violation of the laws of man. Claiming he had “more self-respect than that,” he dropped out of the competition like a loose turd, handing Brian the victory and a new, shitty car.
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If you ask me, Chris probably realized he had no chance of winning once he witnessed the sewage-level depths his opponent was willing to go for victory, so he quit under protest to try to sneak a win and save face.
Honestly, I don’t blame Chris for this move. In fact, I consider him the winner! Not only does he still have his dignity, but even better—he won’t have to drive a Nissan Sentra.
tl;dr nobody ate poop