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Elizabeth Warren Trolls Trump and Vance: ‘I Wouldn’t Trust Them to Move My Couch’
(www.rollingstone.com)
this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2024
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Really loving the "Just enough to be deniable" couch attacks on Vance.
The best thing about it is that nobody actually believes it's a real story. But it's a great joke, because it just fits him so well. And the joke isn't just that he would romance a loveseat, but that he might write about it without an ounce of self-awareness. The dude is not just awkward as fuck, but in a sinister sort of way. You could easily believe that if you left him alone with your own sofa, he might do unspeakable things.
I dunno man, I believe it's true.
However a lot of people are saying. Strong people, tough people. And they are saying very strongly. Lots of people. I don't know, but a lot of people are saying it.
I loved Seth Meyers' first joke about it when he came back off break (which is when Trump picked Vance):
"It's NOT TRUE that JD Vance had sex with a couch. It is JUST A RUMOR!"
...
...
"It was just hand stuff."
As Stephen Colbert gleefully said of the couch story last week, "It's not true, and nobody cares."
The best part is that it really is kind of thing he might be into. It means that any attempt to deny it either makes him look much worse, or much more guilty.
Do you think anyone out there is trying it, American Pie-like? With a greasy rubber glove stuck to their junk?
Because that would be pretty great, too.
Horny teenagers probably did it within minutes.
Hell.
Vance probably tried it after a day or two. Probably the first time he hasn’t had any complaints after.
"You know what? I can't believe some lib thought of this first, because this is great."