this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2024
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You make yourself coffee while familiarizing yourself with their kitchen enough to make a suggestion on how it could be laid out better.
That's right, Jeremy, I've been here nary a day and I already know your home better than you. You don't deserve this house, I deserve this house!
Honestly if my friend did this I’d let her reorganize my kitchen.
She’s about the same height as me, and lives in a tiny place, so she’d probably have some good ideas.
Also my cabinets and drawers are a mis-match hodgepodge (they aren’t all the same depth or height; some of them have lost half their volume for unknown ancient-house reasons) so I’m always down for ideas.
Change where their silverware drawer is to assert dominance.
I fart in the silverware drawer. So then they will open it like 'boy oh boy I need a fork right now OH NO ITS FARTS!'
Take a dump in their nipple cabinet.
I want a friendship divorce and I'm taking the house with me
Think of what this will do to the ottomans! Won't someone think of the ottomans!?