this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2024
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I’m new to the bidet scene, and this one has me slightly confounded. Should I install a new towel rack next to the toilet? Should my wife and I share the towel? Do you wipe first? There are so many unanswered questions in the ways of bidet-ing!

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I invested in one of those super fancy "smart" toilets with built-in bidet and hot air drying.

I used to work for the manufacturer and got a big discount on it before I left. It has a lots of overkill functions but damn I love that thing: Night light, dedicated remote, smell absorbing filter, mobile app, automatic flushing, sensor operated seat.

Its the fanciest thing I own.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I have one too, I’m on it now.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (2 children)

what's on the app? profiles for different butts? live feedback from a down-under camera? AI stool analysis?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

The settings for different users + all the functions the remote has.

Nozzle position, water temperature, etc.

  • Some settings like when to open the seat/lid, when to

I never use the app it as its just a gimmick and the remote has dedicated buttons for everything, but in theory if I go to a place which has the same brand toilet it will set my butt profile automatically if I have the app on my phone with me.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I have a bidet with the functions he mentions other than auto flush as it installs on a standard American toilet. You scoff, but profiles probably are a thing.

Mine has a remote that probably does what his app does. It controls:

  • Start/Stop
  • Water temperature
  • Seat temperature
  • Water pressure
  • Angle of nozzle
  • Oscillator
  • Turbo mode
  • Air dryer
  • Deodorizer
  • Children's mode
  • Women's hygiene mode
  • Default run duration timer setting
  • Power save mode
[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

But what I really want is for it to say "Arigato Daddy-sama (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠)" after I shit in it

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I promise there's no scoffing here! I love my analog bidet, and am always on the lookout for an upgrade, if the price is right. Especially if it can be fitted to a standard american toilet.

Happily taking recommendations, if you have any. The features you listed sound refreshing, relaxing, and somewhat intimidating. Which, to be clear, I'm into.