First thing in any relationship: your own happiness. You're young, so you probably still have indoctrinated love ideas a la Disney, eternal love, total self sacrifice and all that bullshit. It's feel-good nonsense.

I repeat: the absolute first priority in any relationship is your own happiness. Does it help anybody that she has chronic pain and is unhappy, and now you're unhappy too? Obviously not, it would be, from a total utilitarian perspective, a much better situation if she was unhappy and you were happy. Total happiness would have increased.

What this means is: you can only support her as much as you are comfortable with it. Like seriously, what is the alternative? Like you say right now, that you're so emotionally drained that the relationship ends? Then the situation would be even worse: she wouldn't get any support at all anymore. What's better, the little support you can give without sacrificing your own happiness, or no support? Obviously the little support.

Now if that is "enough" for her, that is for her to decide. She might decide that she wants a partner that can support her more. Obviously it's a huge gamble, there aren't many people who can deal with a lot of negativity all the time.

Of course, the initial rant about Disney love comes from somewhere. Your thought of being so self-sacrificingly supporting was instilled in you from somewhere. Likely you and people around you think that it's the "good" thing to do. They would be wrong, but that won't stop them from giving you shit probably in the way of "oh how could you be so evil and stop supporting your poor poor girlfriend". This is, in my opinion, abuse. Yes, she has it harder. Is thus your happiness unimportant? Obviously not. But it may be laid out as if it were.

In summary: listen to yourself. Focus on your own happiness. Do only as much as you can. Explain to her why. Tell her everything you think, everything you feel. If she loves you, she won't want to pull you down with her. And the funny, ironic, unintuitive thing will be, once you focus on yourself and are more happy you will also again be able to support her much better. Take your rest, take a break, don't support her when it pulls you down. Be assertive about your own needs, even if she has it worse.

I agree. But is a statement like "everyone in hexbear is insane" helpful in any way at all in this situation? The only thing it serves is to further any divide and cause more hostility.

The times I went there with differing opinions I never got insulted. They think their views are right and (sometimes) mine wrong. They also shared their reasons and tried in their way to educate me. They have their own culture over there that is more rude/direct than normal, but it's certainly possible to speak normally to them.

I think all people deserve respect by default. Only through someone's actions may the respect for them be rescinded. Calling a whole bunch of people something is just almost never correct and only furthers any already existing divide.

You can do these things while talking face-to-face with somebody.

Calling a whole bunch of different people with different opinions than you, that you don't all know, "insane", seems to me like you feel you are smarter/better than them.

They're not insane, they're just victims of tribal thinking like the rest of us. Very narrow worldview reinforced by the others around them, bashing outsiders, thinking "they" are smarter than everyone else. Mostly, they see themselves as good and everyone else as bad, which isn't very unique among humans either. I don't think hexbear is worse than anywhere else.

You're doing the same right now probably.

Wow, why is it so hard for you to say what the problem is? It's going to be a bit hard to get any advice.

I assume you wanted children but are sterile? You can still adopt. Even if that's not what you mean, there are always alternatives in some way that let you achieve what you want, maybe not exactly like you imagined it, but a similar thing.

Everyone else already has said the "general" stuff that can be said without getting any more information from you. If you really want help, you should be ready to share some more information and answer questions people have, as well as answer people's comments with sharing your true thoughts, not holding back like you did in your main post.

In the end, how do you get over this? You understand rationally that you can never plan the future 100%. You understand that once people achieve a goal/plan, they don't become happy, they just try to achieve a new goal/plan. To become happy, you have to be happy with what you currently have, no matter what that is.

You don't have to have an identity to live. Identity is irrelevant. It's a thought-up human concept that in the grand scheme of things has no meaning. What does it matter what your identity was 100 years from now? 1000 years from now? A million years from now?

And once you rationally understand these things, you have to convince your subconscious of them as well, which is much harder and requires lots of practice.

I will update the instance list. I have a script that parses lemmyverse.net data and updates the list within the script, but I need to run it manually.

Generally all issues/requests can be added in https://gitlab.com/azzurite/lemmy-universal-link-switcher/-/issues. There is no Lemmy community for it. How did you find this? I had like 3 people suddenly write on this year old thread.

When you open a link from somewhere else, a "Show on home instance" link will be added to the top bar. Only within the browser will it automatically replace links.

I so far only support Lemmy. No one has made any other requests. So if not /c/ is used, it doesn't know how to handle communities.

Seeing that so many people agree with this in this thread makes me very sad :(

I'm thankful this is not what my life is like...

Don't know where you're from. I'm from Germany and we have a large vocational training culture. I just looked at some and found one that specialized in people that couldn't finish university.

But to be honest, it wouldn't have been hard to find any entry level job either. You just need to explain that you're not made for the educational institutions. And then provide proof of how you are good with computers/Linux and programming, most easily done through some contributions to open source projects. Of course you actually need to know about what clean code is, software engineering paradigms etc

Very important to apply to very small companies, never large ones. The large ones do automatic filtering for people without degree or some shit, but the small ones actually look at resumes. In you resume, you can just make a compelling case (even if it's totally bullshit) that you would be a good worker with your current skillset even though you don't have formal education, and it's likely you'll be able to find some kind of job eventually.

It is mainly about morals in the age of contraception. Of course the definition of what incest is is not, which is what you probably meant... Ignore me