this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2024
426 points (97.8% liked)

Not The Onion

12551 readers
945 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

From Florida, of course 😄

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

This woman is going to be very successful in her future career

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Wanna know how I got these scars? Student debt a s 5 years of the gig economy.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

You know the headline is packed when there's a literal golden gun and not a single N64 Goldeneye reference.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

"He doesn't need TWO of them!" explains Florida woman, the unlicensed clown who stole gun via illegal clown magic trick while at John Woo's birthday bash.

EDIT: Imagine Gex saying it, especially if you don't remember the John Woo game.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You think a modern day Gex could work now adays?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Depends on how low your expectations are:

Granted it's 7:30am, legally distinct, and I believe them bones are me.

I'd probably do a genre mix (3rd-person, themed boomer shooter?) if I had that capability, but I would probably struggle with with maps, writing, and just scope in general.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Lol did you just whip that up on the fly?

It may just have to lie dead like Blasto, Buxby, Croc, Glover, and Conker. Unless you want to be the change I'd like to see in the world. I have Gameboy studio knowledge, C# knowledge but have no idea where to even start with 3d engines.

I know internet crowd sourced scripts and or references could be achieved it you get enough following.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

her lawyer argued she should not have to serve prison time because her "creative side is coming back out now," adding that she volunteers at a local art center and is working on an album.

I don't think being an artist's with an album in works is a great defence.

If it works, then I'll be constantly working on my next album.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

You have a trial 6 months later and if you're not dropping bars in court you go to prison

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

A Florida woman that wanted to attend clown school, that explains everything.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

That's like a fish that wants to attend swimming lessons

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

she was just trying to learn how to fit in in Florida better

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why is synthetic Marijuana a thing?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

people testing the boundaries of THC prohibition?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

At last-- The world so badly needs the skills and professionalism that a "clown school" will bring. We can populate the next generation of politicans, CEOs, and journalists from this clown school.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We can populate the next generation of politicans, CEOs, and journalists from this clown school.

I thought we already did? Where else would they be finding Republican politicians and opinion columnists?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Look at how old the fossils in Congress are. That is how much experience it required to become such high tier clowns. You need a state-of-the-art clown school to replace them without a drop in quality. 🤡

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I... can fix her...

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

Not makeup but permanent ink....

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Her lawyer said she packed the pistol because she was high and paranoid from synthetic marijuana, which she uses to cope with trauma

She shouldn't be allowed to own a gun in the first place.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Because she does drugs? By that standard no one should own a gun.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

because she's self medicating for trauma and it's making her paranoid. this is clearly not a very stable person. in fact, believing the first thing you read on Google about how to use guns is another pretty good sign that that aren't going to use it safely.

there's better and worse ways to use drugs. self medicating to escape something is generally the worst way to use them. like, i get it. I've been there. it's how i went from casual user with company to unstable addict. I eventually recognized that and have gotten clean. the reason we need a doctor to help us with dosages to relieve symptoms without losing ourselves is because drugs make us feel good in general. it's basically impossible to look at yourself and know when it's too much or inappropriate usage.

all that said, i get it. when you can't afford a doctor to do that for you sometimes you just need to kill whatever feeling is inside of you. sometimes you need to run away to survive. just don't buy a firearm while you do that...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

You got yourself a deal!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

See that's exactly why gun control works

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

People who currently use drugs illegally are also forbidden from having guns in the USA. Hunter Biden was convicted of the related offense of lying about it on the background check form.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Friendo here in the US you can use ∆8-THC in almost all states, it is legally distinct from ∆9, the kind found in real weed. ∆8 is made through the chemical adulteration of CBD, something that is made from hemp, an industrial crop. Synthetic weed is neither prohibited, nor discouraged in most of the US and can be purchased at gas stations.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Wife beaters and gun owners. Name a better venn diagram.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Except it's been illegal for those convicted of DV to own guns since like 1968.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Wife beaters and cops. Tighter fitting circles.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Google "Here are 5 million results that say you can't bring a gun in your suitcase, and ONE that says you can"

Clown selecting the ONE result "I KNEW IT"

Google "Just because I have it doesn't make it true!!"

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

Google does tend to find what it thinks you want. She probably entered something analogous to "ok to have gun in Australia"

load more comments
view more: next ›