Asklemmy

So I tend to dress "well". I'm not great at fashion, but I shave every morning, force myself to spend a bit of money on nice tshirts, etc.

On the weekends though, I let it all go. I go out to the store in my PJs, I don't shave, I wear my hat and hoodie up, and to be honest look a bit like a thug. I notice people on the street are a little less comfortable walking by, however...

One thing that stood out insanely was the grocery store. When I dress like a homeless person, it is night and day difference:

• Cashier keeps the checkout stuff closer to them
• While my card transaction is pending, if I start loading stuff in my bag they're like "oh, oh wait.. It's still pending"
• Even when I start the small-talk ("How is your day going?"), responses are short

When I dress well:

• Cashier doesn't mind when I start loading my backpack even before paying
• Cashiers always smile and ask how my day is

I was planning on writing a blog post about it (plug to [email protected]), but wanted to get more data points first

White guy in Japan. A lot of people will assume I don't speak any Japanese (=am a tourist). I've had it many times where after a transaction at a shop, the staff literally tells me "I'm so glad you spoke Japanese, I was so afraid when you walked up since I can't speak English"

I've into the goth scene for about two thirds of my life now, and I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if I'm sad or depressed. Back in college I showed up to class with some elbow length fingerless gloves, and the dude I usually sat next to practically tore them off because he thought I was covering up cutting myself. His defense was "I have a friend who dresses kind of like you, and they were those gloves to cover up scars." Well, my dude, I am not your friend and you now no longer have a study partner. I sat elsewhere the rest of the semester.

Growing up brown skinned I was not allowed in some of my white skinned friends’ houses because their parents thought I would steal stuff.

Oh man, one time I got judged hard at a job interview just for having tattoos. The interviewer didn’t even bother asking about my experience, just kept asking if I “planned on getting more ink.” It was really frustrating, but I ended up finding a way better job a few weeks later that didn’t care about tattoos. Sometimes these things just work out.

literally everywhere everyday. i look mean enough for folks to keep a safe distance but their tongues dont care heh

Not as drastic as some of these comments, but I used to be pulled over once a month when I had long hair and a beard. I had a 45 minute commute everyday and like clockwork, once a month I would get pulled over for a bs reason (speeding by 5mph, flashing highs to warn other drivers, suspicious vehicle etc). Once I cut my hair, no more problems, go figure.

Trying to rent Tokyo apartments as a non-Japanese (with some Japanese language when I started, in my 30s, with a job and valid residence status). Got shot down so many times. Technically illegal but good luck proving it was based on race to get any relief from it.

I look really young. Like I'm 40 but routinely pass for early 20s or even late teens if I do my makeup with that aim.

I get carded buying alcohol a lot. I hated it until I was about 27, and it really started to make me feel great! Especially once my gray hair started growing in (I dye it regularly so nobody really sees them, but I know they're there). If all you're trying to do is guess how old I am from how I look, I will love your answer.

But people often judge my experience or expertise as if I am only as old as I look when I am really twice that age. I hate when people assume I'm the office assistant or new hire when I'm the Assistant Director. I had physical therapy for several months due to a chronic shoulder injury, and the old ladies there loved to tell (not ask) me that physical therapy must be so easy for me as if my joints aren't fucked and my pain and effort aren't real. Still pisses me off so much.

And don't get me started on the creepy old guys who see legal jail bait...eugh.

I'm Hispanic, used to live in a red part of NY. Have been profiled by cops many, many, many times.

One time the cops gave me FIVE tickets for driving without insurance, while they held my active insurance in their hands. I lost sooo many days of work and almost lost my license fighting that shit.

Another time they pulled me over and spent 20 minutes on the side of the road trying to interrogate me to give me a DUI. I was perfectly sober and was coming home from a long trip with my dog. They also insinuated that my dog was dangerous over the radio (shiba inu, she was curled up asleep)

Slightly. Not in a terrible, life-altering kind of way, but just enough to make me think, "Oh, that's what that's like."

I live in condo building and the average resident here is very old, very religious, and very conservative. No joke, several Lyft drivers have asked me, "So, is this a retirement home? I always thought this was a retirement home." When I moved in as a 26 year old guy with long hair and a ponytail, I did not fit the vibe.

I was changing my bicycle tire in the parking garage and a woman stormed up to me, absolutely convinced that I did not belong there. She said that I needed to be a resident to be in there (so, assuming I wasn't one), then started grilling me about what unit I lived in, how long I'd been there, etc. She must have thought I was stealing the bike, but taking a few minutes to change the tire first; you know, as one does.

It was an irritating but short exchange, and she left quickly. But it still put me in a mood for like half an hour afterwards. And it got me thinking: if you're a minority, you probably get that all the time. Like, you don't even have time to cool down from the last exchange before someone does it to you again.

I’m Jewish.

I'm black. Been judged and profiled my whole life.

My wife came to Canada because her and her pilot father Mohammad had their immigration status to NYC revoked in 2001. You can guess why. A win in retrospect, but not at the time