"Joy as an Act of Resistance"

Fuck em all will find the silver lining

I've started going on afternoon walks where I just go around town snooping, smelling flowers, looking at cool bugs, and seeing how long I can walk along the curb. It's actually been really great.

I remembered how when I was a kid, a square meter of nature held infinite fascination. I could just squat there for hours (RIP being able to hold a squat for more than a minute lol), just like peering into this fractal of wonder.

So yeah, maybe not quite that level, but I've been recapturing a bit of that.

I had my moments of “wow, adulthood is shit” but I’m trying to change that.

WHERE IS THE FUCKING JOY

My childhood was trash. My life has only gotten better as time goes by

Ok buddy

TIL joy was reserved for me as a youth.

Welp, too late now.

Yeah. I totally get it. It does take effort to preserve any wonder and stave off cynicism. Especially in these days of ever growing inequality and tougher material conditions for folks in general. When I was growing up there sure seemed more cause for optimism. Now, folks who look squarely at reality find it tough to muster, what with stagnated wages, an erosion of personal ties, a generally lousy work/life balance for most.

Still, I try to look to and look after my friends, my community. It's not much, but it's what I can do. I've seen hardship, illness, betrayal, personal devaluation, loss. But I'd rather not become a bitter, old bastard like so many I see in this region.

It’s a perspective thing to a degree but it’s also your ability to avoid the crushing weight of reality.

Like approaching 40 I can appreciate that I finally have some money for the things I like, that I have more freedom and wisdom, that I still have the ability to start things, etc

But at the same time there’s the crushing reality. To get that money I trade time and if there’s one thing I miss about being young it’s the amount of free time I had. I just got a bass and I love playing it but I can only do like 20-30 minutes a day and have to skip many days because of life. When I was 16 or even 22 I could often practice drums or piano for hours per day. I could work less of course but that’s not usually an option for most people without changing jobs and also can lead to financial insecurity

Then the even less fun parts of recognizing your body just doesn’t work as effectively. The permanent neck injury I got from work when I was 25 that didn’t bother me as much then is significantly worse now despite physical therapy for years, cortisone, regular strength training, etc. what used to be a stiff neck is now genuine pain that impacts all the way to my shoulders. Knee injury from youth is similar. Then the just unfair bits like my vision deteriorating significantly. It’s not injury related, just lost the genetic lottery.

The cognitive decline as well. I’m still plenty sharp but I can recognize my math processing becoming slightly slower, tripping up my words more often, needing to read things more thoroughly than I did when I was 24 and in grad school, takes me longer to learn things like the bass, my reaction times in videogames are worse, etc. It’s nothing major of course, no family history of dementia thankfully, but it’s part of how the human body works. My job involves assessing people’s neurological state and somewhere in your mid to late 30s starts the slow decline. For some people this will just get to “pretty forgetful, senior moments” and then they die. For others not so lucky they get dementia and have a truly tragic end of days.

But at the same time I do think a sense of optimism is important. I just think it’s important to be rational and realistic about this. Radical acceptance helps here. I can’t get back youth or time lost or whatever, so no sense getting too distraught over it. This applies to youth as well, who may not deal with any of the above but often have their own problems that cloud the potential positives in their life. Anyone can lose their sense of joy and everyone has shit going on. Maybe for them it’s more existential dread, the crushing weight of finding direction, etc. The shift to optimism is that I remember despite the ugliness of reality there are still good times to be had, even if my neck hurts the whole time

honestly when I was younger it was mostly nicer because you looked forward to having a nice life. Seeing it not come to pass and realize its not going to get better is sorta a downer.

I have more than a half century and keep waiting to feel jaded, but wake up happy every day, am delighted by lizards running around, and the sky and clouds, the escalator that a shopping cart can ride up makes me happy.

I didn't have a particularly happy childhood, a sort of awful teenagerhood, but adulthood suits me much better. Pay for work? Hell yeah. Make what I want for supper? Fantastic. Love having a family, and so far have also been happy seeing them grow up and move out too. I have enjoyed being a grownup, it's delightful. I happily traded lack of control for responsibility and it's a better deal.

I'm older than most here and I lead a mostly good life. I think the saying is mainly regarding death. In youth, you don't experience as much of it, but as you age, more and more people pass around you until it's you, alone.

I have no dreams that i can achieve in this life and my heart grew cold long ago, but life is still getting better for me anyway. I'm still somewhat optimistic about the world. We don't have to give up just because things suck. On the contrary: that's when we can do the most in the world.

I'm 35. I've had some tough times. I've struggled and I'm sure I'll struggle again at some point, but aside from politics and covid, I've been in a sort of golden age for like six years, and things have been getting better throughout. There have been some shitty spots, but it's been joyful in general. There was a time about ten years ago that I truly thought about giving up for good, and I'm really glad that I didn't. I never thought I'd have so much to live for; I didn't even think I deserved a shot at it.

Work hard (but also rest), stay curious, and tell jokes. Joy is possible, but you may need to be the one to provide it, but it pays dividends.

“Would you go back to being a kid again?”

I think that implies retaining a certain level of awareness that you were an adult so that you could have an appreciation for the time travel.

The only reason I think I’d want to be a kid again is to see all the people that are gone today. I’m well past middle age, and there are fewer and fewer people left from my childhood, and the togetherness I experienced with family was something I didn’t really appreciate until it stopped happening - along with my failure to ask what their lives were like and learn history from their viewpoint. That’s what I remember most. Not the toys, the idle days at school or with friends. It’s Holidays. Bored out of my skull with people I didn’t appreciate, but yet being glad they were there. A lot of them aren’t anymore.

Otherwise being a kid kinda sucked. Your life revolves around what everyone else wants you to do and you can’t really say no, fuckit, I’m calling in sick today. All the stupid drama at schools. Your freedom (pre-internet) was held by your parent(s) willingness to get their car keys or if you had any money and a bicycle. I didn’t like school. I didn’t fit in. I would not go back.

Yeah, it’s better to be an adult in most ways. (I say that with the caveat that I understand some may have had easy childhoods or have very difficult adult lives. Meh, this turned into a bigger post than I expected. I guess I’ll leave it anyway).

My years in middle and high school were rough for a lot of reasons. The last thing I needed were adults telling me "these are the best days of your life!". That was the most demoralizing thing I could have imagined back then.

Once I was 18 and in control of my life, things got so much better. There have been different chapters, but they've all been good or at least memorable in their own way.

What I would (and have) told kids who are clearly having a rough time is that things can and will get better. When you're a kid, and bad situations that are entirely out of your control to change are happening, life can be miserable. Eventually you get some agency, and that goes a long way. Sometimes as an adult, things come and happen too, but telling a kid who is currently miserable to look forward to something better is a lot more helpful. Barring some outside tragedy, life as an adult is much less grinding than being a kid shaped cog.

Life frequently gets better after high school. You get to make your own decisions, be who you want, be with who you want, and live where you want.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=-OO9LloDSJo

Oh my sweet summer child.

Wait till you wakeup one day and can barely walk, for no apparent reason.

Or you have an injury that doesn't want to heal, and docs are scratching their heads, but won't give you pain meds, or even steroids that you've seen help this issue in the past.

Or you get fired for nothing you've done.

Or the business you work for goes belly up.

Or a crazy person in your life threatens to kill you, so you have to be alert all the time.

Or you're in so much pain, constantly, that you can't even think.

Life is hard. Shit happens.

I feel like life gets better and better and I'm 40, so...

Outside of tragedies beyond your control, like illness and so on, it's also a matter of trying to have a fun and good life every day.

I love this sentiment. In my mid 40s I went through a period of “it’s all downhill from here” but I took steps to change my life for the better and I’m living the dream now.

Time is going to win eventually but I’m going to fight it every step of the way and will make damn sure I enjoy the battle.