You're all wrong. White bread, butter, cucumber, salad cream. Cut into quarters.
this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2024
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There's always one person who puts ranch on everything. Never knew u guys were in the UK too.
White and un-toasted. Add the mearest smear of mayonnaise, a hint of salt and white pepper, cut the crusts off, and then cut each round into three rectangles to make finger sandwiches.
Yes, I'd say the removed crusts and tiny sizes are the most distinctive features
Hear me out.... Mayonnaise.
Softest white bread you can find. Sliced cucumber. A sliver of mayo. Cheese or ham slices according to your preference. Or both.
Sliced sideways not diagonally.
If it has cheese or ham then it's not a cucumber sandwich. It's a cheese sandwich, or a ham sandwich.
Here's how you make a cucumber sandwich. Get a French baguette, cut it in half like a hoagie, finely dice cucumber and mix it with shredded carrots and diced jalapeno before quick pickling with cilantro, salt, pepper, garlic and lime juice. Let those sit for like 10 minutes. Take some chicken and marinate it with soy sauce, garlic, ginger, etc. Broil that shit, shred it up, stuff into sandwich and top with pickled veg
Finish by cutting some mayonnaise with sriracha and a bit of lime juice until it's drizzling consistency (salt and pepper to taste), and drizzle over the top of sandwich, top with more cilantro
If you went into an English tea room for afternoon tea and they served you that monstrosity and claimed it was a cucumber sandwich, you'd be perfectly within your rights to burn the entire place to the ground and not a single judge in the country would convict you.
Wishing to burn down the buildings of people that have too much flavor in their food is definitely on brand for a gammon. Been burning any buildings down lately under pretense of scary foreign invaders? Last week, maybe?
If I made some idiot a bahn mi and they cried about it then they can kindly fuck themselves and not eat it
that monstrosity
Most British response ever to a description of a bahn mi. Oh no, ethnic cuisine!!!
If the thread had been titled "how do I make a bahn mi" then I'd have upvoted you to the moon. But it wasn't. It was asking how to make that most English (not British, but English) of foods, a cucumber sandwich. And in case that wasn't a clue enough, the community is Ask UK. Not Ask Vietnam or Ask America.
Cucumbers aren't native to England. They're not even native to Europe.
The English, get this, incorporated the exciting new vegetable into their diet after being introduced by Indians, and ignored whiny people telling the world "cucumbers aren't English" until they died out and we're forgotten by history. Imagine the 17th century version of yourself saying they'll burn down any teahouse that sells the exotic Indian "cucumber" because it's not English?
You can't expand your culture if you never try to expand it and "burn down" any change.
Imagine the bellend in 1650 that went "oh tea? I don't touch that Chinese stuff, never tried it and never will, and I'll burn down any establishment that sells it"
Yea i told you a better way, live with it
That's a baguette - not a sandwich.
A baguette is bread, a sandwich is bread with stuff on it. Seeing as I described a baguette laden with filling, I'm pretty sure I described a sandwich, hoss
Can you guys just ban me from this "feddit" shithole, yall are terminally obtuse and unfunny
That's a bit like saying: you make a cucumber sandwich by crisping up some duck, steam some pancakes, put some duck on a pancake, then cut up cucumber and spring onions to sprinkle on the duck before using hoisin sauce as the paste to stick your rolled up pancakes together.
sure
White bread, untoasted, thin sliver of marg, feed them to your auntie with weak tea in a china mug and, for dessert, get out Mr Kipling's French Fancies or a couple of slices of Battenberg. Make yourself a few ham and cheese butties with a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch and a glass of crap pop (probably lemonade).
No substitutions accepted.
This is easy. Anything that touches cucumber is ruined.
If you insist on making a cucumber sandwich, just remember to chuck the whole thing in the bin before eating it
Hear hear. Cucumber is a plague that ruins anything it touches. I'm glad there are others.
I was like this when I was younger. Absolutely hated them. Then my taste receptor that made them disgusting just kind of switched off gradually over time. Apparently this can happen from middle age onward. Maybe wait a while and try again someday. They're also better with salt.
I'm approaching middle age and still feel this way.
I've never actually found them disgusting, just that they seem to suck the flavour out of anything that's next to them. So many nice experiences eating food have been lessened by including cucumber.
That basically ties in to your last point. They might be fine with enough salt, but they are almost never served that way.
As I've reached middle age, and my sense of taste degrades, I've downgraded cucumber's taste from "rancid farts" through "standard farts" to "mild farts".
They still taste of farts, but eventually you just decide that life's easier if you just accept that cucumbers and most cruciferous veg tastes of farts, but hardly anybody else can taste it and they don't know what you're on about, so you just eat them and say "yum yum, that was great" for the sake of a quiet life.
I could not possibly have described the experience better. That's exactly how my relationship with them has evolved. Poetic. And your comment naturally took on David Mitchell's voice in my head.
That fact that you'll never experience tzatziki saddens me.
I'll get over it, though.
It's OK, we can still be friends
indeed!
cheers,
toast
O_o
WTF?!
Love it :-) TOTP no less. Can't imagine today's pop bands having the guts to do anything like that.
Cucumber sandwiches require toast. (I'm preferring white now, but I change...)
Especially delightful with tzatziki, bc cucumbers galore!
Perhaps a soft cheese & iceburg lettuce.
kosher salt
ymmv
Toasted? Wtf?