Don't forget the smugness. These types of places always have such smug staffing, like they think they shit gold or something. It's like bitch please, you're demanding someone pay a day's wage for you to fuck up ground beef. Fuck off out of here with your foofoo bullshit burger.
Worst place I ate brought the raw burger to you next to a boiling hot slab of rock. I was expected to cook my own burger the way I liked it. Well fuck you, I'm paying you to cook my meal. Plus it just seemed disgusting to have raw meat at the table anyway
The most mediocre dining experience (for the money) I've ever had was at a restaurant called "Smallwares." Emphasis on small, it turns out. Case in point, we ordered duck breast, which cost a fair bit. I was picturing at least a fair amount, but it was the smallest smidgen slivered up with a dollop of sauce. It was the same with every dish, high prices for not much food.
Sure there were other places that had worse food. One remote dinner lacked any fresh food, but you can't really help that when you're in the middle of nowhere. But never have I felt like I was being fed by Famine from Good Omens.
And the opposite of this, if the menu is plain text and pictures of food that were taken with a digital camera from 2009 then its going to be fantastic
Burger place with yellowed ceiling tiles and a laminated menu? That shit is gonna be good.
The only good thing is that most of those places have some sort of black bean or veggie burger.
I've tried a lot of these veggie burgers and tbh at least where I'm from most of the time they kinda suck. I've had a few really really good ones but mostly they tasted mid.
I agree on most of them being kinda mediocre but at least I can always get something when my friends are in the mood for burgers.
It can be hit and miss from my experience as well. We have a bar and grill place that has a black bean burger and the fucking patty is 1/2 lb and an inch thick. The burger tastes good but it's way too much bean and it ends up being a chore to eat. We have a fast food place that has a black bean burger that is pretty thin but you get a lot of veggies on it and it is all pretty balanced. We have a local hipstery joint similar to the meme posted that has amazing food all around but they have a beyond burger and a black bean burger and it's actually nice to have that option but they also always have like 3 other vegan options.
It's the most hit or miss thing I can get as a vegan. It's either a really great in-house, well seasoned patty. Or just a morning star frozen thing with grease as it's only seasoning.
And even then, you need to ask if it contains egg.
There was a place like this near my old work and my boss would often offer to pay. I naturally ordered a couple mediocre burgers and overly seasoned truffle fries with sage for some reason.
Thankfully there was a similar coffee place next door, but that's a good thing in their case (that coffee was fire)
Half the staff are wearing wool beanies in dead ass middle of summer
Sides are a la carte, fries come in a metal cup with newspaper-style wax/parchment paper
The bottom bun is falls-apart-soggy by halfway through
Claims to have a huge selection of craft beers...all IPAs, a stout, a sour, and PBR
run by four interchangeable lumbersexual white guys in their mid 20s who are having the time of their lives and one white chick in her late 20s who is just so over it.
Burgers are served on a scaffold board/shovel/roof tile
Coleslaw is always referred to as house 'slaw.
Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
Eg. Triple cooked fries 4
Lol that is so spot-on I can't believe the parallels never occurred to me. One exception though, I really had good burgers in such a place in Haarlem / NL.
You forgot the black gloves! Those are required by law.
look. imagine a place where the burger is not native. where the best burger you can hope for is... adequate.
imagine, if you will, a country shaped like a schnitzel.
in the twilight zone.
Portland 2005, except it's damn near impossible to get a bad meal in Portland. Best food I ever had consistently in my life.
[edit] Oregon
But where else do I get my malt vinegar fix?
Broke: We can offer you our truffle fucked nothingburger with garlic ass for $20 dollars with every single fry costing a dollar extra
Bespoke: falafel shawarma $3, yoghurt or hummus, boss?
I think you need to add another new line to this comment.
bested by my nemesis, markup, again, thanks & fixed
I hate the "EAT" sign. I came here for food please don't be so demanding about it
You will eat here, and you will be happy about it! 😡
I'll need a nixie tube sign to tell me to be happy
The best burgers are found in places that look like you have to bribe a health official to get a barely passing grade
Not just burgers, that seems to be the best food in general
The best of those that I've found are often restaurant/something else in the same building. Like restaurant/laundromat. Or restaurant/rug shop.
see: all of Spain
"We put three different kinds of rubbery bacon on top of it and you better believe we're charging you a premium for every one"