It super depends on who's saying it!
this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2024
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For me being cute is not a looks thing but more of a behaviour/personality compliment so i like it
If you want to say you like how I look compliment one of the grooming, fashion, or accessory choices, and I'll get the hint.
Hell, compliment my muscles. Literally just compliment anything I have agency over.
Yes because I am cute. Actually. That’s my aesthetic.
Edit: I see a lot of people calling it infantilizing, but it’s my personality. And I’m older than other people on here have said they are.
really depends on the context. if i'm showing off my cosplay, no. If I'm receiving an award and posing for the camera -- yeah my looks aren't relevant.
If it's meant as a compliment and the person isn't getting a creep, I take it as a compliment.
In the context of an argument or when I'm clearly trying to be taken seriously? No. If I'm actually angry, what happens to you is above me.
Any other time? (◡‿◡🌸) ✨Thank you ✨
In the context you've given, sure! I like it but I have trouble believing people when they say it.
My womanhood is complicated, but I love being called cute. Makes me beam a big smile.
It's only really fine if someone calls me an appearance-based compliment if they're my partner or a woman that I'm close to.
I love being called cute by people I know and have a relationship with! I try to channel cuteness, so it is definitely a compliment for me :)
Cute used to describe a person? May work out in some cases, but in most it really will not for various reasons. She may feel you're infantilizing her, you don't find her appealing as a woman or appealing for the wrong reasons, you belittle her ...
As many wrote, used to describe her choices it's perfectly fine though.
If you're looking for a way to express how this person makes you feel - for example a continuous stream of "awwwww" may be expressed by calling someone cute - rather describe your feeling: "I could fawn over you all day." Ideally you also explain why, so it's clear where this is coming from: "The way you dress is a perfect compliment to your outgoing personality. I really enjoy just watching you exist."
Depending on who you want to be to this person and how far along on that road you are, my examples may work or be entirely out of question.
Serious question from an autistic dude who is awful at this kind of thing. If you are genuinely attracted to a person and are interested in dating them is it wrong to just state that outright then? Because I see plenty of women where I like their dress, or their hair color etc. but that doesn't mean I'm actually attracted to them. I suppose simply stating "I find you very attractive" might be best as it is just all encompassing?
Since attractive just refers to outer features, if you're interested only physically, that's fine. If you want a relationship, pick something that describes your person of choice better or encompasses more features.
"I think you're amazing, would you like to grab a coffee/dinner with me sometime?" would probably work.
If you choose to be this direct, make it clear you don't need an immediate response. The other party didn't have any time to prepare for this, so they may actually need to think about you in this way first of all. This may be the hardest part, because you will not know if you'll get a reply (depends on maturity and courage). You could ask them again once, but then I'd drop it and just assume it's a no, otherwise you may come across as pushy.
The reason most people don't do this is, that they're scared to be turned down or ridiculed (teenagers are assholes). I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier.
Good luck!
I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier
It unfortunately does not, lol. The caring about being rejected does, but other problems crop up, like meeting people in the first place.
For instance, I don't use apps, I don't frequent bars, and I don't want to get HR on my ass (everyone at my job is married or like 19 anyway). So where do I meet someone? Hobbies. Ok, well my hobbies are reading, walking around in the woods looking at cool nature stuff like frogs and salamanders, and going to (music) shows. Maybe I could meet someone at a show, but mostly it's loud and not conducive to conversation, and nobody wants to talk to strangers in a book store or library, and they'd rather meet a bear in the woods than me as we all know lmao.
Basically I haven't been doing this because I don't want to be creepy, but I'm thinking about just saying fuck it and throwing out a "hey you look cool, wanna go grab some coffee sometime?" just whenever, wherever the situation arises, and then get to know if I think she's amazing over time (if we continue, yadda yadda you know how it goes). I mean what else do I have left? And by whenever, wherever I don't just mean Shakira's hit, I mean anywhere, including but not limited to common places where it is often complained about like the grocery store, book store, where she works, just anywhere.
But yeah, anyway, things change when you get older, some things get easier but some get harder. Know where I used to meet women (well, girls)? School. And after that I had a stint in the bars. Back then I was afraid of the rejection sure but never questioned where to meet people. My flip has now flopped, however.
Hey, sorry it took me so long to respond.
I mostly meant the whole rejection/people being mean about it thing.
I get where you're at, I'm 40ish and had the same problems a few years ago. Please don't try where they work, that's not cool, but other than that ... why not, as long as a no is cool.
I used bumble at the time but ultimately the person I'm with now was someone I already knew. I don't believe in apps, but it's a way to get a feel for someone else, filtering out anyone who doesn't want to meet someone at all.
I think meeting through hobbies (I think library or bookstore are kinda okay, particularly if you have a recommendation for the book they're looking at) is the way to get to know someone, but whatever you try, I wish you good luck!
The most important thing I ever realized, if I want to compliment a woman, you never compliment her on her features, you compliment her on her choices. "Hey you look cute" is automatically going to put her hackles up. "Hey, I really like your dress" is a neutral statement you can make that doesn't make you a danger. Which is what most women view men as after a lifetime of being treated as prey.
Source: three daughters
"Never" seems a little excessive, it's more contextually sensitive though obviously.
Male here. There are many contexts. If I was still in high school, and a coach says "Don't be cute with me", I would take it as a compliment. It would mean I was doing a good job pissing him off.
OK, this one is a really interesting one.
It really depends on what I'm doing to elicit the comment - I'm often doing silly things, getting enthusiastic about stuff, exploring my environment and other things vaguely "childish" and so would consider cute to be a compliment.
Coming with no context it's neutral, way better than being called sexy but generally my appearance doesnt need comment.
If I'm upset, or being professional, or an authority than being called cute is 100% and insult.
I think ‘cute’ has developed a second meaning that is more in line with ‘stylish, aesthetically pleasing, clever’ than the ‘infant baby child/object’ sense of the word but I don’t know how to explain the difference. Probably the person’s other actions and intent and tone. Is someone being condescending in general, trying to frame someone as less than? Or is their body language/conversation style more geared toward a genuine expression of ‘i think you’re cool and like the way you look/your outfit or idea is nice’. I’m short and I get both - there is a subtle but very unmistakable difference between good cute and condescending cute. I feel the same way about ‘adorable’. The condescending usage of cute in my personal experience comes most often from women.
not by women. i'd just as soon a man never feel the need to comment on my appearance
I feel the same but im a man.
As a male approaching middle-age this thread is confirming a lot of my suspicions that I never really had a firm understanding of. -Commenting on someone else's aesthetic appeal in relation to oneself seems to be an often questionable practice, especially if it's not someone one knows well.
Depends on who's saying it.
- Creep: pls don't approach
- Anyone else: thank you!
What if you're a handsome creep in good physical shape?
Like Armie Hammer?
what
Of course not. It's not like I'm Judy Hopps.
Not a woman, but I think what it comes down to is: the other person needs to immediately know what you mean when you say it without you having to explain it, or else it will be a mix of confusing/unsettling/creepy.
If they use the word "cute" a lot to describe things they like or looks they are going for, then it could be taken well. If they never use it and you don't either, then it will probably be percieved as unsettling. If they get hung up for any reason on what it means for you to call them "cute" (or any other adjective), then it's not coming across how you want.
So what I’m gleaming from this, all other things being equal:
- objects (clothes, accessories): okay
- the person themselve: not so much
Two of the comments so far mention "cute" as response to clothes/aesthetics. Just two.
Don't make blanket statements for interacting with women (or people in general) based on two internet comments. Please. Two comments.
The word you're looking for is 'gleaning'; 'gleaming' is more like 'shiny'.
For me, if anything, it depends on intentions. Most often though I'm just told I'm attention-seeking as opposed to cute, even with things like my clothing which consists of the same few things in circulation.
Like if I walk into work and someone says, "oh your new haircut is cute" or "what a cute shirt"? I'm ok with that.
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