this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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Definitely Glock Ness Monster

top 23 comments
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[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

Be careful, the Glock Ness monster might turn on you and demand $3.50

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Glockatoo has the most versatility for comfortable every day carry.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

I assume these pair with each other? If Glock Ness Monster doesn't exist, does it win or lose?

Otherwise, Glockatoo, since Glocktopus probably has shitty aim and Glockadile will have trouble with weapon elevation.

Glocktopus would be the most fun to watch, though, hands/tenticles-down.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

We could start some brackets, NCAA-style, but by the time you open your desktop, Glockatoo has murked everyone else.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If Glock Ness Monster doesn’t exist, does it win or lose?

Or is there even a winner?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

On this glorious day, we all lose.

If nonexistance is counted as anything but a loss, it's the best choice. Glock Ness Monster makes the most modern nuclear subs seem obvious and unsurvivable by comparison.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

And I wouldn't discount the mystery, either

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

I take the pack of Kimber wolves.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Blockatiel

  • blocks all attacks

  • also blocks porn

  • like, all porn

  • help

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Blockatiel has hurt itself in its confusion.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Drone warfare is king, birds are drones, glockatoo is best.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

If I'm fighting against it, Glock ness monster. If it's fighting for me, gloctopus.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Glocktopus.

None of the other creatures have 8 Glocks.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

More Glock = More Better

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

True, but it's slow on land, ordinary rounds only work on land, and it doesn't voluntarily control it's arms to aim. Honestly that seems more like a grenade on a roomba for most combat purposes.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You're looking at it all wrong. It's like having an 8-man highly coordinated platoon with a brilliant commander and amphibious capabilities.

Glockodile ain't got shit.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Yeah, but tentacles can't see. They're firing blind based on instructions only.

I suppose it's still possible an octopus can convey an exact distant angle to a tentacle, even though that's not an evolutionarily relevant task. Clearly, the only reasonable way to settle this is to steal an octopus from an aquarium, and force it to do dot torture drills on a paid subscriber stream.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Yeah, but tentacles can't see. They're firing blind based on instructions only.

Since when did spray and pray stop being a valid tactic?!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

A grenade on a Roomba is exactly what the founding fathers intended all citizens of the United States to have.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Very good point! I also like the "Sees you in a while" perk the Glockodile has, though. Something that's alive for quite some time may know some secrets.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If it sees you in a while, then he probably isn't very good at dropping his targets.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Bruh you try aiming with just your mouth

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I don't even think they have tongues, bruh.