A casual community for people with ADHD
Values:
Acceptance, Openness, Understanding, Equality, Reciprocity.
Rules:
Encouraged:
Relevant Lemmy communities:
lemmy.world/c/adhd will happily promote other ND communities as long as said communities demonstrate that they share our values.
I simply stopped worrying and being fine with any result.
Didn't find the next place to rent? Guess I'll have to keep living right here.
Didn't book an appointment for my hurting tooth? Guess I'll have to go to the ER once it's unbearable.
Don't have a plan B for the journey? Guess there's just simply no journey if the first plan fails.
Nothing in my life moves? Guess everything will stay still.
Living on autopilot? Guess that's how I live.
And I'm actually absolutely fine with these results.
This is the way.
Apathy. All the way down.
I think there is a difference between apathy and being fine with the results. I'm still sad if things go wrong, or happy when they go right. I still want things to go a certain way. I'm not indifferent.
I just know that nothing will ever be perfect, so I don't need to stress about if it isn't.
My “solution” personally is probably terrible -
Have so many plans on the go, you don’t ever get to the point of completing or failing!
Also this random tweet from years ago. I am totally on the “improvise everything” side
What if you’re both?
I’m really good at making the plans. I just suck at following through on them.
I usually just improvise and wing it. It stresses my husband out I think. He likes to plan. 😆
Ugh. Definitely the second one 🥲 how do I learn to become the former?
I get the feeling that most of the former people are faking and doing a lot of masking.
I live a life of impulse. Improvisation is the way I do everything.
My work hates me for it, but they have a hard time complaining with my results.
You guys got good at one of the two?
Improvise isn't my middle name any more - it's become my first name
Hello improvise.
Improvisers unite ✊
I have accepted I can plan about 20% and the rest will have to be solved on the fly. The world is confusing. There are too many things happening at once for anyone (definitely at least for myself!) to keep track of everything. My goal when planning is not to set out exactly what I'm going to do, but rather to reduce uncertainty and gather information to improvise effectively if needed.
My goal when planning is not to set out exactly what I’m going to do, but rather to reduce uncertainty and gather information to improvise effectively if needed.
Missed this bit. This is good
How do you deal with unexpected Plan Bs? Like say, your traveling and looking for a place to stay but there are none, or you need some extra money but you can't find any suitable jobs? It might not be an ADHD problem but these things always really stump me.
!Is the answer to constantly lower my expectations/requirements?!<
For those two examples, I'd either keep looking or lower the requirements if I believe it's absolutely impossible - it all depends on the time constraints.
If I have 8 months more to look for a job, I won't care / lower my expectations. If I need a job now, I'll find whatever and look for a better job in the meantime.
On the vacation example, I would keep trying to find a place where I want to stay until I'm actually pressed for time - then I'd look for a place further away or lower the requirements.
Sometimes trying harder works, but the times it doesn't, it's more valuable to find something not-so-nice and settle than to keep stressing and trying to find something impossibly good, without achieving anything.
I'm reluctant to say lower your expectations, but if you're trying to find a job, maybe it isn't the right time to go on vacation.
In another comment, someone mentioned planners and improvisors, and you said you were the second one. I disagree. I think you're a planner, but you're so afraid that you'll spend all this time planning and something won't go exactly right, so you're not planning anything at all.
What if you tried making more general plans? Book a flight and a hotel nearby. Look at various places that you could visit while you're there, and just leave it at that. If you want to check something out, go do it. If you see something cool on the way, check it out. Nobody's best memories are about how closely they followed a schedule. It's definitely good to have a plan, but getting distracted on a side quest doesn't mean you can't enjoy the rest of the day.
For some reason I’ve got this really bad habit of thinking up the experience I’d like to live and trying to make it reality, instead of seeing what’s actually out there and going with that…
Do you have any thoughts about what I should do about this? I've noticed this is a pattern in my behaviour and I thnk it really trips me up...
Well, it's really easy to say "Just change the way you think!", which would probably fix everything, but in reality, we all know it's not that simple. I may be good at going with the flow, but I have a whole mess of other issues that I wish I could just "change the way I think".
Maybe try thinking of examples from your life when things didn't go exactly to plan, but everything still worked out in the end, or maybe even turned out better than planned.
Surprises happen. Some are good. Some are bad. Some you can directly influence, others are out of your control.
If you can't make the best situation, make the best of the situation!
I think you're a planner, but you're so afraid that you'll spend all this time planning and something won't go exactly right, so you're not planning anything at all.
Actually you hit the nail on the head there. Yeah I guess I should learn to improvise and go with what I've got more. For some reason I've got this really bad habit of thinking up the experience I'd like to live and trying to make it reality, instead of seeing what's actually out there and going with that... I don't know where it came from or what to do about it
traveling and looking for a place to stay UT there are none or you need extra money
I'd start by not traveling if I lacked sufficient funds for it.
Oh no, this didn't happen those were just two random examples
Try using external tools. Tracking can be done with a physical Kanban board.
Bruh. Nothing called a "board" can contain all the steps to even one of my plans.
And I've got a lot of plans. Hundreds of "I just need x to get to the next step of y plan" pass through my mind daily.
I have no money, so I have no reasonable way to obtain x, so y is at a standstill.... For now. Rinse and repeat with everything, and you'll have a good idea of the chaos I live with.
Yeah I have this problem too. There's so many
“I just need x to get to the next step of y plan”
weighing my head down but writing them all out and updating them would be such an arduous and impractical task. Let alone dragging around (ie. losing) a physical planner. I don't knw what to do. I wonder how people without ADHD deal with this. I've been thinking that it would really help me to be able to study how a youtuber like Tom Scott (who travels to a new place for each of his videos) keeps track of all his planning. Because the logistics of filming his videos are essentially the same tasks that we struggle with but a much bigger volume.
The answer is likely "other people".
I know that Tom, doesn't really have much of a team, if any, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get help with stuff like organising and booking flights and stuff. I don't believe for a second it's just Tom, jumping a flight to somewhere and setting up his camera, talking to it for a while, then editing it and posting it, all by himself.
I'm sure that was the case once upon a time.... Currently, not so much.
Don't get me wrong, his content, the scripts, the research.... I'm sure Tom is either directly involved, or doing that stuff entirely on his own. I believe the words he says are his own and that he has taken the time to learn the subject matter himself. Whether anyone helped with writing may be in question, I haven't really dug into his process, so I don't really know, but in the end, Tom is saying things that he believes to be true based on his own understanding of the matter. I believe that 100%.
How he got here? Idk.
Agreed. But in any case, the process of contacting a place, waiting for a response, reminding them, finding a date, booking a hotel and arranging transport is exactly the sort of process that us ADHD people struggle with, and I'd be curious to see what techniques he's developed to keep track of them all. Not because he has ADHD (I don't think he does), but because the shear scale of the process would put him or whoever he's employing into the same position as us.
I feel you. What helps me, is to organize before starting (as much as I dread organizing). Write down what needs to be done when, and make sure you have at least a reminder to kickstart plan B scheduled.
I extensively use to-do lists (love the Todoist app) and will put in tasks like (for a home improvement example)
For the boring (but non-waiting) tasks like making the schedule, reading or just doing boring stuff at work, I like to use pomodoro: Set a timer, try to do focused work for 25 minutes. When the timer goes off, you HAVE TO take a break and enjoy yourself for 5 minutes (set a timer again), whether you got any work done or not. Repeat. There's apps and sites that help make this smooth.
Usually the first pomodoro is wasted but in the second or third, I get so much work done, and feel better because of the mandatory breaks, that it is usually worth it
Also agreed the pomodoro technique has really helped me Get Things Done.
How do you deal with unexpected Plan Bs? Like say, your traveling and looking for a place to stay but there are none, or you need some extra money but you can't find any suitable jobs? Or if nobody replies to your emails?
!...I guess what's really happening is my brain facing the reality of what it thinks should be possible vs. what is actually possible...!<
As much as is reasonable, try to expect them. Put a task in 2 weeks describing what to do if there have been no replies yet. Expand your range of options. Search farther, find a different kind of handiman companies to mail, find someone who can give feedback on your resume, or if necessary, consider different kinds of jobs.
I would not be a part of this community if this mind of planning always went well in my life. But in general, planning these kinds of things in advance so I don't have to:
Helps me. Do the work now so you can simply follow reminders and instructions for plan B.
Yeah, I guess Plan Bs just come down to thinking out of the box
If you're worried, you can come up with a plan B now. It tends to be easier to think "what if ...?" before anything has happened and then write that in the reminder than to do this kind of thinking when you're in panic mode and find out that things aren't going well.
Hmm, that's a good suggestion.
Also, I've realised my Plan B problem can be generalized:
Ah, setting yourself a Plan B reminder is a great idea