this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2024
308 points (95.8% liked)

Greentext

4295 readers
450 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
all 43 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

Sounds like bro needs more fibre. Liquid shit means you're eating like a dumbass.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

Colorectal cancer. You have colorectal cancer and are very likely dying. Please see a doctor.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

I'm 31 now, I do not have this problem. I mean I don't hood it anymore, unless I absolutely have to, but for real anon needs to see a doctor.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Anon is living in the Middle Ages, 30s now is prime of your life, shit doesn’t get loose like that till you’re 80s+

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Maybe. Need to not eat like shit, or drink heavily. If you're genetics are bad, you might need to exercise regularly too.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Could someone please explain "green text" to me.

Is it from a specific platform and anons' text is always green or...?

I've been on the reddit sub for years and it was always entertaining, but I never actually knew wtf.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

It's from 4chan. The text turns green when you put a > in front of the line. It's used to denote quotes, but also for "greentext", which is a certain type of post typically used to tell a meme-worthy (most often fictional) story from your life.

If you've never been to 4chan, do yourself a favor and keep it that way.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You know you can wash clothes, right?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I know that, yes. Apparently Anon doesn't though. Either that or his "accident" was so bad that no amount of washing will make those underpants usable again.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

guy shits acid or something

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Just gotta eat enough cheese to get a solid plug going every day.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It could just be lactose intolerance.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I guess so, if he's having a big glass of milk with every meal. Are there adults who do that?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Let’s see… do adults eat sour cream, yogurt or Alfredo?

[–] [email protected] -1 points 3 months ago

For every meal? I certainly hope not...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago

Lactose is in a lot of different foods, not just in milk. That's what's so nasty about lactose intolerance. It's in the chocolate bar (milk chocolate). It's in the creamy pasta sauce. It's in the coffee-based drink. It's in mashed potatoes. It's in pizza. It's in a lot of breads. It's sometimes in potato chips, crackers or ramen. Burger King used to use it on their french fries. It's in a lot of sauces like dips, salad dressings, sometimes even mayonnaise. In Switzerland it's in the sugary fizzy drinks. Some women have even discovered it's in their birth control!

Basically, if you didn't make it yourself, you have to assume it might have lactose in it.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 3 months ago (3 children)

He needs a doctor, and fast. Best case scenario it is ulcerative collitis. Worst case he is getting an MRI of his brain and brainstem to find out it is a central tumor and will only be getting worse.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Seems a bit dramatic. Could be as simple as lactose intolerance, or IBS, or something like Celiac disease.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's likely UC. Symptoms fit.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Yeah, colon/anal cancer will do this as well.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Doctor Google concurs : it's cancer.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Well, it’s never lupus, so…

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Are we sure it's not lupus though?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Anon needs to stop using a butt plug

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Or just leave it in, easy fix.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Like a flag in breeze

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago

He actually just needs to go up a size

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Anons got a looser ass than lilijunex

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago

Damn it Anon, go see a fucking doctor!

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Anon might have ulcerative colitis.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Or held their shit so much their nerves are fucked

[–] [email protected] 126 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Anon might need to see a doctor. I don't think it's normal to become incontinent the moment you turn 30. Also, I've personally never had any issues with holding it in.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

30 days after you turn thirty though, that's probably fine, same if 10 days prior.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Nope. I'm over 30 and it's like a light switch. 😜

Jk, no issues whatsoever with my sphincter.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 3 months ago (2 children)

There were several very angry comments about eating more fiber lol

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, fiber would be 0 help here, and possibly make it worse. Anon needs to see a doctor.

Personally I find it annoying and frustrating that people will automatically assume poop problems means the person needs more fiber no matter what. It's not a magic cure-all, and pretending like it is is completely stupid

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

I tried more fiber when I had undiagnosed celiac disease and yeah, it isn’t a fix.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago

Yeah, I would think about my diet/stress/caffeine level if I even had cramps before a shit, like what are you doing to your body if shitting is regularly a struggle at age 30 without a medical problem? Your life could be so much better if you took care of yourself/sought medical advice. I know not everyone can afford to see a doctor, but it’s cheaper to catch something like bowel cancer early.