This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
The jangled skeletons guarding the entrance to Shart’s Hollow have a 1/100 chance of dropping a Putrid Shart Shard. If you combine 12 of them, you can craft a rare opposite-handed Bambieshart Brocade that, when dual wielded, gives a stacked 0.09% boost to critical hits. This strategy is crucial to my main build that is just the two brocades and a Grisly Thong, for aesthetic purposes.
Only works if you’ve achieved maximum intimacy with the Ovipositor Matron in the Moistwood Cleft. You have to let her lay three Sentient Larval Runes into your Shame Socket, then gestate them for two full in-game cycles while restrained in the Gimp Reliquary beneath the Furred Cathedral. Once they hatch, you’ll unlock the Unwashed Cringe-Brocade (Breeder Form).
Wearing it while bound by the Lactating Hex of Eternal Edgeplay grants a passive Dripping Submission buff, which stacks with the Cumshroud Blessing if you’ve already consumed 7 Vialdaddy Essences during the Heat Ritual in Knotwarden's Basin. Add in the Ornate Sphinctmail and Dual-Cursed Knotplugs and you’ll proc Climaxed Reposte on every parry; as long as you're currently flagged as "Egg-Full" or higher.
Absolutely vital for my Dom/Sub switchblade build: twin Brocades, a Gag of Unyielding Praise, and nothing else but raw stamina scaling off my Feral Libido stat.
The crit bonus is negligible, but the squelching footsteps are chef’s kiss.
I think this is the leaked script for the elden ring movie that just got announced!