Sorry anon, can't relate.
this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2024
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My childhood home had many many problems, but one thing that wasn't lacking was physical affection. I don't know of it's a Cuban thing or what, but almost every other family seems very dry to me. Like people that don't kiss when they get home, sit touching each other on the couch, wait to eat together, are really uptight about nudity, ...that is weird af to me. It gives me the impression that those family members are buddies/roommates. I still have to make conscious assessments in my head to understand relationships between family. I guess the part of the brain that learns family relationship norms is solidified pretty early.
It's Kellogg/Protestant prudish white isolationist culture. I come from Alabama and Jehovah's Witnesses. I think it is a sadistic anti enjoyment, everything pleasurable is wrong, - stupidity. I see all the American religions falling into a spectrum of this sadism.
I honestly think it stems from the overall con of organized religion. People that enjoy themselves spend some excess funds on themselves and others. The church con artists are incentivised to villainize all forms of excess money spent on anything because that is money that cannot be grifted by the con artist. White people tend to be most susceptible to this particular con, and likely also tend to have more self sufficiency in more rural communities. Not like white people are somehow better at self sufficient living; more like we're miser assholes that choose to hoard what we have without the notion of collective social survival. Like I'm deeply stereotyping time and history here. I'm not saying "white people bad." I'm saying we're different too, a product of our environment, and being a realist asshole too. - it is our way - embrace it.
Doesn't have to be. It is known here in europe that southern countries like Italy and Spain are indeed more touchy and passionate.
I think religion might have something to do with it, but I think its mostly parents (who were often too young to parent compared to now) taking out their frustrations on their kids because they had no other socially-acceptable recreational outlet to just hang loose after work other than drinking and TV.
When I finished my national service I spent the night getting drunk with some guys I'd served with. One of them took me to sleep at his family home when it got late and there were no more trains for me to get home. The next morning I joined the family for breakfast. I was amazed at how gentle and civilised they talked to each other. At my home i was only used to everybody being at each others' throats all the time. To this day i can't help thinking about what I missed.
I love my dad, but he has an old fashioned definition of male affection and he's at unease when a topic of conversation is brought up that he's not an authority in.
I wish I'd learned that yes, hugging people you know is fine, and that there's nothing wrong in being ignorant in a topic if you're willing to listen and learn from others.
My dad used to beat me whenever I did anything he didn't like, which usually included me being energetic around the house. Because of this, I learned to be closed and reserved, and never really made any friends in school. It wasn't until I moved out when I realised that beating your kid wasn't normal, and slowly started opening up again
It can be really crazy when you notice the differences in how other families treat each other.
Healthy communication is a must when talking with other working-class people!