this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Vampire here.

I don't drink blood (because that's disgusting, and also crual and unfair), I drink vaginal juices.

AMA

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Congratulations, you're ageless, will never retire and you have to do a lot of manual labor, as it's cheaper than a machine, if you convert a country. If only a few are converted, others will want to hunt you down and put you on a shelve as trophy.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Wasnt there a movie about this where almost everyone was basically a vampire, and started running out of humans and human blood to eat?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I think it was Daybreakers

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Another con is that vampires are even more immortal than they appear. Even if the vampire's body is completely destroyed, their soul will wander through the universe, unable to affect anything, but still conscious. They can't even communicate with other vampires in that state. They'll get to see universe die starting 10 to the power of 16 years from now (end of star formation) until it's finally dead at 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 120, when universe reaches its final energy state. But at least a new universe will start at 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 56. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_far_future)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Expanding universe theory says it’s just guna expand infinitum and fade out to nothingness. forever

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

they don't have a soul. only living humans have a soul.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

Where does that lore come from? I thought they literally gave up their soul to the devil, or whatever evil thing rules hell, to have physical immortality?

[–] [email protected] 139 points 3 months ago (4 children)

People have more or less completely forgotten that vampires are meant to represent the monstrosity of an unchecked aristocracy/wealthy upper class. They sold their souls for power and now live exclusively by feeding off those beneath them. You don't just 'become' a vampire like you don't just 'become' rich. You can certainly become enthralled to a vampire though

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I think Anon needs to retake middle school biology. You see there's this thing called the predator/prey relationship and if the predators outnumber the prey, things are gonna get real dire REAL fast. Like this:

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0433362/

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yeah this is always the best thing when reading things like that; at the end of eternity we’ll be left with an immense amount of shrivelled, dusty and extremely hangry immortals.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I was in a band called Extremely Hangry Immortals.

We mostly played industrial horrorcore and metal covers of food commercial jingles.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

Anon might be Dio

[–] [email protected] 131 points 3 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Man if I can't have Caesar salad you might as well just drive a stake into my heart now.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Substitute with the much superior shalot. Reign supreme into eternity.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You can, it's just awful time consuming

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Probably a pretty relaxing way to spend an afternoon if you do it on purpose 🤷

"What did you do over the weekend, Bob?"

"Oh, not much. Sired a few goths, threw some meditation rice. You know, the usual"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

I mean, you probably can, once.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 49 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Jokes on you Anon! If everyone is a vampire then who's blood do you suck?

[–] [email protected] 52 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (5 children)

You farm the remaining humans like livestock? We mastered factory farming 100 years ago, no reason things need to change just because the animals can talk back.

(banned from /c/veganism)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

We mastered factory farming 100 years ago

Speak for yourself! I haven't even begun practicing yet!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Fun fact, human blood can be vegan, as long as the human is consenting

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (5 children)

the definition of veganism has nothing to do with consent, only exploitation.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

And if I'm consenting, then it isn't exploitation when a hot vampire gives me the biggest fucking hickey

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (6 children)

consenting exploitation is still exploitation

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Doesn't consent imply the absence of exploitative forces?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago (2 children)

exploitation and consent are unrelated. I exploit water resources every day, and consent is an absurd topic to raise in this context. the definition of veganism requires the abstention from exploitation of animals for food. there is no exemption made for consenting animals

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The way that people use the word "exploit" when talking about living things is different from the way we use it when talking about nonliving things. It implies a lack of consent from the one being exploited.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

consenting exploitation is still exploitation.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Exploit does mean "use/utilize" but I assumed the common subtext of "use unfairly or in a manner not conducive to overall welfare"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

the ambiguity does not seem to be helpful in defining veganism, and the definition should probably be updated

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

This was part of the plots in the movies Blade & Blade 2.

The problem becomes apparent in this film: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0433362/

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

I'm still salty that PETA stole their web domain from People Eating Tasty Animals.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Okay but among those people who choose to remain human, how many of us would be okay with donating blood every two weeks in exchange for food and rent?

Think about it. If the vampires have all the power, why would they kill their food source when the longer they let their food source live the more food they get out of it?

Let us tra-la-la and have happy-go-lucky existences, which will probably make our blood taste better to them, and they can spend their eternities competing for resources or whatever makes a vampire happy after the first 500 years.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I've been saying this since I was a kid. Every time I see a blood donation place. That's a vampire organization and you can't convince me otherwise :D

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

There's one already, where the vampire is a head of state and religius leader. (Luminous Valentine)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm sure there are multiple already in existence

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

There's even a movie

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

He would quickly become pro-immigration

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Or a bunch of redneck vampires invade Mexico

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago

Haven't you watched From Dusk 'til Dawn? Vampires come FROM Mexico

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Quick! Book a pitch meeting with the heads of all the major studios!

I'm thinking Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter meets Here Comes Honey Boo Boo meets Duck Dynasty!

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