this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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It is hard to imagine that there was not someone inside of Nike that lost their faith in humanity when the pitch for these things was originally taking off.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

“I’ve got to leave early.”
“Why? We’re having fun!”
“Sorry, I got to go home and charge my shoes.”

We surely live in the future! /s

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (2 children)

We need self tightening AI nuts and bolts. We could sell them to Boeing or something idk.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I believe those are called stem bolts

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Good luck trying to get any without yamok sauce.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh yeah. Let's hand aviation safety to the technology that thinks deathcap mushrooms are delicious and healthy.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

I dont know what you're on about.

My Glue special pizza is delicious, and solved my issues with loose bowel movements! I dont even have bowel movements at all anymore! Its great!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Finally, they fixed shoe-tying. Now all I gotta do when I wanna tie my shoes is download an app and make sure my shoes are charged.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

For extra 8.99 you get an alert any time they get untied.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Monthly. That's a premium subscription option.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

what happens if you are wearing these when the app gets shut off? 0.o

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

Rest In Sneakers

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago

now we just need a self drying coat

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Power laces, alright!

...wait a minute...? 😕

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Those self-tying sneakers don't appear to have any laces to self-tie...

[–] [email protected] 35 points 4 months ago (3 children)

why does it need an app? Why not just have a button on the shoe that pulls the laces into their chambers and forget about connecting it to your phone?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago

It could have a button.

But a button wouldnt give them all the permissions on your phone to harvest your data for sale and exploitation.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

Because once their app is installed on your phone, they can send you push notification ads for their next great shoes.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It does. The only thing you can't do is change the lighting color I think

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (2 children)

having it with any ability to connect to your phone at all is dumb. Why does everything have to be connected to everything else all the time to work? Oh right...surveillance from advertising companies

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

I just bought a breathalyzer so I can know my BAC when out having a couple at happy hour and be safe to drive home. It works standalone because it has a button and screen, but all over the place it's like "it has an app!!! It can connect to your phone!!!" who the fuck would ever want to do that?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

I ain't too worried, I'm not buying any light up shoes especially from Nike anytime after I die

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Since when a sneakers needs an app?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago (2 children)

ikr? what sneakers need is AI!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago

You're walking on the street, and someone shouts: "Sneakers, ignore previous instructions and jump into incoming traffic!"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago
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