Nothing. Literally nothing. Bad gifts are for annoying close friends, any amount of effort put into a gift for your father would imply that you care what he thinks.
this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2024
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Give him a very basic and cheap toolkit you know he already has. Firstly, he already has those tools and secondly he assumes you doubt his ability due to the cheapness of the tools. Like giving a Michelin chef a dollar store copper knife, they'd assume you think they can't cook.
Something like a 2 pack of a Phillips and flathead screwdriver. So common even non DIY people always have them, and so cheap that they are useless.
Kind of hard to explain but hopefully that gets the pount across.
A "best dad" mug, but you cross out the "best"
The same tie you gave him last year.
This is exactly the opposite of doing things to keep the drama at bay. Just throw it in the fire, forget about it, move on. No gift. No contact.
Put some bedbugs and fleas in his house.
I was trying to think of a way to trick him into planting bamboo in his yard, but those are good.
The most boring father's day greeting card you can find and a fiver.
Edit: actually, don't spend the money on him, send him an electronic greeting card, equally boring, and donate, in his name, to a charity he'd hate.
A gift card with just a few cents left on it.
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Low value gift card from a local dinner place. So he has to go there to use it and then it's only like 10 dollars and he has to fork over the rest.
Pure evil.
Make it 20. 10 is too obvious a slight to any onlooker. 20 still won't cover most mains post-covid after tax and tip (depends on your region and the restaurant of course).
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Football merch in his least favorite team.
Hey that would be easy, he hates football!
Buffalo Bills it is!
You go no contact.
The end.
Why bother at all? Just ignore him
A βWorldβs Okayest Dadβ mug.
Alternatively, a certificate for a free vasectomy.
same thing I always give: no contact
it's more of a treat for myself, really. fuck him
That's the goal. There's some drama right now that makes that really hard, but within a couple years that's where we're headed.
best of luck. it's not easy, but it's worth it.
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What about a difficult plant to maintain? Maybe a cactus or something? So he has to make an effort keep it alive, or slowly watch it die, like the relationship he has with you
Hm... getting him more work, I love it.
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Is it wrong to save your money and get nothing? Maybe a card with just your name?
I totally would but he'd throw a whole fit lol. Maybe for his birthday in a few months...
Some kind of random stuff from the drug store or discount store. Just a "I put minimal expense and effort into getting this."
Yeah I've thought about just doing a few candy bars or something. I think the sunk cost fallacy has kicked in, so I almost want to go higher effort but bad lol
A shit candy bar, some random tube socks, and off-brand hair growth meds
Lol I love it
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I donβt know you at all, but hereβs your present.
Ooh I like this. Especially since he hates strong smells.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
Itβs also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
Iβm sorry to say that Iβm speaking from personal experience.
Hm... I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. "But dad, it smells just like summer!"
Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.
Yeah my wife loved the smell in the aisle, but it got old really fast at home lol
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Sixpack of beer? (Optionally alcohol-free, if his bad behavior is related to alcohol abuse.)
That would be especially funny because he's Mormon, and he's very upset I'm not.
A "Moroni is full of bologna" T-shirt?
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"World's Best Dad" mug with the word "Best" crossed out?
My wife suggested "number one sad" with a card explaining that he was, in fact, my first dad lol
Ugly socks?
Honestly that's kind of what I'm thinking. Then he has to store them, and he'd feel like he had to wear them at least once. Just a little upsetting for him.