this post was submitted on 31 May 2024
868 points (97.3% liked)

Not The Onion

12299 readers
1066 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

Trump saying the quiet part out loud: "If anyone is immune to repercussions it's supposed to be ME!"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Sounds like he is draining the swamp after all.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

i mean that's gotta be like five guys probably, discounting the entire political class i suppose... oh wait

[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Shit... I need change my plans about using campaign donations to pay off that porn star I banged at the golf course I own.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

I know, a problem that faces every single American, right?

Family Values.... yeah, Trump values his families genitals. Look at his "relationship" with his daughter throughout the years.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Really?

Most Americans have access to campaign funds they can misuse?

Damn tired of the press making this a porn star thing and not a campaign fund thing.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

If you were wrong they might call her Stephanie Clifford instead of her stage name.

[–] [email protected] 105 points 5 months ago

that’s the whole point you stupid traitor cunt

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I want to pay off porn stars :(

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Me too! I need a porn star in my life but my wife won't allow it! Why! Why!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If you're going to fantasize go big!

Tell yourself that they want to pay you!!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Back to the drawing board, Wilbur...

[–] [email protected] 54 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Absolutely chilling. Who would want to be held accountable for their actions?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Not a giant pig man baby hybrid.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

I was trying to figure out of you meant pig man, or man baby for too long. Then I realized that was the hybrid.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago

Its more like if you pay a porn star and file it as company expenses at your work

Yeah then anyone should be prosecuted

[–] [email protected] 52 points 5 months ago

GOOD. We're on the same page then. The rules apply to everyone like it should be.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Oh I can assure you the holy rollers were up in arms about the immortality

[–] [email protected] 113 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I'll remember this if I ever find myself in the position to cheat on my pregnant wife with a pornstar and then run for president.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

I'm afraid you're already behind the curve if you weren't born to an obscenely wealthy father.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

No, I think he means that even if you don't run for president, it might affect you if you've cheated on your pregnant wife with a pornstar.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

That alone sadly is not even the issue. Only when stealing from the government comes in, you can expect to actually get prosecuted.

Trying to pawn off the expenses on your company balance and committing tax fraud, then paying off people to not tell about your tax fraud, that's what gets you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Sounds just about right

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Almost like he had a revelation

[–] [email protected] 106 points 5 months ago (2 children)

The irony in all of this is that if he had just paid her out of his own pocket it wouldn't have been an issue. Like they say the cover up is worse than the crime or noncrime in this case. Also ironic is he didn't have to cover it up as the evangelicals don't seem to care he cheated on his wife with a porn star. A perfect example of why we don't need morality police telling us how to live

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

He was elected to lead not to read. Oh wait that was the other shithead.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Reminds me of a certain Mr. "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Nobody gave a fuck that he did it; they were upset he hid it.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago

The evangelicals were outraged that Clinton did it, and equally outraged that he lied about it. They made a huge stink about how he had no decorum and was sullying the office. Of course, he was a Democrat who wanted to reduce the national deficit with the budget surplus, but they still hated him and wouldn't vote for him. Consistent with the most cherished doctrine of evangelicalism - hypocrisy - they had and still have no problem with Trump's inability to do anything honest, just like they had no problem with the other Republicans.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

That's the point. Break laws, face consequences. It damn well better work that way for everyone.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

LOCK HIM UP!
LOCK HIM UP!
LOCK HIM UP!
LOCK HIM UP...!

load more comments
view more: next ›