Vancouver

POV of a pale skinned mixed descent male, I would say you don't look menacing or intimidating. Apart from the first pic where i feel bad because you look sad, the photos give a friendly vibe. The only thing I can think of is if your walking movements are triggering to racists. I know one guy that claims he reduced the weird looks by training himself to walk like a white CEO. Still got a lot of racism but supposedly a lot less.

People are also just inherently racist around these parts even though we often convince ourselves otherwise. I had one weird incident where I was talking to the only black guy in the work facility about how we were our respective family's tech guys, and after the work orders sent us in different directions, the little Filipino lady asked "how do you do that?". I was confused as can be, but it turned out she meant talking to him. On the other hand it happened again another day with different wording from an Asian guy too, but I feel like he just wanted to also talk to him... I guess it's just RNG.

Smile with some teeth

Best bet would be to just put a bag over your head and leave it there.

Smile

Good case of resting jerk face if I've ever seen one. That's just your face. You can't really help it. I'd be amiss to not note that there's probably a nontrivial amount of racism in some of those looks, and bluntly, there's nothing you can do to make a racist more comfortable. IMO, let them be uncomfortable.

As cliche as it is, I'd say, smile more. When you make eye contact with someone, just give them a bit of a smile. Nothing extreme, but try to avoid the kind of smile that might make someone think you're up to something... You know, the head down fake grin while intensely staring at them... Kind of thing. Hold your head high, give them a friendly smile. Not much more. If they still seem to have a problem, ignore it. You can't please everyone, and some people aren't worth the effort to try.

I know smiling isn't always something you want to do, but studies have shown that you actually can improve your own mood when you smile. So do it for yourself.

Alternatively, stop giving a shit what other people think. You look fantastic. You say you were previously obese? I can't tell. Be proud of yourself. You've certainly earned it battling the bulge (as they say).

I'm a white dude, but I've had people uncomfortable with me and my friends during our anti social looking days being goth kids or something like it. Few people wanted to talk to us. Those that did were usually pleasantly surprised that we were friendly. I like to leave that as a treat for anyone willing to engage me in discussion. If anyone else has a problem with how I look now, which is still almost entirely in black, I wouldn't know. I stopped giving any shits about what people think a long time ago. Those that know me know I'm the friendliest person around. That's what matters to me.

Bruh, you look completely normal.

However, when you smile, you look inviting and friendly, but angry when you're not smiling. Unfortunately, I know rhis too well because I have been told the same thing. I grew up with terrible teeth and rarely smiled, so I generally seemed unfriendly. I worked at smiling more after I got a bunch of dental work done.

So, smile more, you have a great smile.

Stop caring about the opinions of racists.

My husband is a 30-something white guy, but everyone says he is scary. One thing that has been a running gag in our marriage is "Put your happy eyebrows on!".

This will sound completely silly, but try it. Most men either don't brush/smooth their eyebrows at all, or will sweep them horizontally from the nose out.

I have found that when he sweeps his eyebrows upward and out it completely changes the look of his face. Try this in the mirror and take a before and after pic.

Also, someone else suggested glasses and this is also true for husband, when he is wearing his contacts people treat him differently. If you don't need glasses consider blue light blocking glasses for situations where first impressions matter to you.

For what it's worth, I don't think you look scary at all. <3

The jacket looks American, like a high school football player, not face related but if you changed it to something more Canadian like Rugby or Hockey it might help

Grow hair out

Constantly teeth smiling

But I wouldn’t worry about it, if being 5’8 wasn’t enough to make people not threatened then I don’t think it’s a physical issue, it’s not like you are towering over them

You should watch Malcolm X, 1972. Be proud of who you are.

Glasses

I think it's good to make reasonable efforts to ensure that reasonable people around you are comfortable. Generally this means things like hygiene, respecting people's space, peacefulness.

Your request isn't explicitly about racism but I think your experience is highly affected by racialization. My advice below is based on my experiences but I don't have personal experience overcoming racial prejudice, so my advice might be useless. I don't think I've ever met a person that would disagree with the statement "racism is bad", but that doesn't mean all their racist prejudices have been unlearned.

It's not on you to change your appearance to help people overcome their prejudice, but I can understand why you'd want to.

Here's my advice:

Friendly acknowledgement of people around you: This is a behavioral change that can really change people's perception but it may take a lot of psych-emotional effort before it becomes second nature. (I think it enriches a person's life and is worth it regardless of whether or not you're intimidating looking). Glance/nod, glance/smile, or "hey".

Smiling: Even without actually acknowledging people. Less psych-emotional labour but may feel fake/inauthentic.

Glasses (not sunglasses): People are generally not physically intimidated by people wearing glasses. It's very hard to imagine a person that has expensive glass precariously perched in front of their eyes is interested in any sort of physical confrontation.

No bulky clothing, too associated with gang culture.

No hats unless it's cold enough to see your breath and then a ski/snowflake motif on a toque will also counterbalance people's prejudices.

I was going to say that brown letterman jacket was a bad choice but then I noticed the puzzle pieces, still might not be the best choice of people don't actually look closely.

Good luck.

To put it bluntly, it sounds like you're a victim of the ol' racism, possibly aggravated by the fact that you're a man. Your face looks very friendly to me in these pictures (maybe not the second to last, but you don't look threatening either there, I get more of a "please don't bother me" vibe from it)

I friend, you have an incredibly sweet face <3 It actually makes me upset that society has subjected you to think the way you wrote towards yourself.

You want me to be straight forward, this is it - This behavior towards yourself is certainly not healthy. You're fine and you deserve to be comfortable with that fact.

You wanna know what will make you less threatening? Put one of those rainbow spinny caps on your head. Will you never look cool? Maybe. Will you look threatening? No.

Let me just say, dude, that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who feel this struggle and there is no simple answer to this problem. Because it is societal. You probably already know this but I want to start off with that.

I can see every little thing you think is threatening to others and it's all there. You're black. You're a man. You're a black man. You have strong features. You wear clothes. And you exist.

That shouldn't be your problem, but more than a century of propaganda has made it so. Me and everyone else has been conditioned to fear you.

With all that said, I can echo some other comments. Take the advice on fashionable clothing. Aside from the other positives, it feels good to look good. You've saved up for surgery, spend it on that instead. Find a fashionable friend and get advice. There are multiple ways to achieve it without feeling untrue to yourself.

Learn to smile as your opener. To others and to yourself.

Most importantly, spend that money you saved on therapy. It isn't there to fix you. It's there to help give you the tools to cope with the reality of things. It isn't bullshit. No amount of aesthetic adjustments will fix what's going on in your head and your heart.

Candidly, you seem like you're not in a good fucking way. Get help. Peace.

Probably not your face structure, etc, but your facial expressions while you are walking around strangers. Your photos seem fine to me but we can't see if you have whatever the male equivalent of RBF is called.

My friend one time had a comment that everyone who knows him knows he is the goofiest guy around, but before they knew him they just thought he walked around looking like he wanted to punch somebody.

Handsome guy, you'd look sharp and safe in a carefully fitted button down.

Even better, people will respond to you being comfortable with yourself. There's a lot of subconscious communication that goes on without words. If you're relaxed and comfortable people will respond to that.

Brother you look great

I need to wear glasses, and when I switched from square frames to round frames I swear people were less scared of me. Nobody wears glasses to a fight so you look less intimidating, and larger, rounder frames make your face look softer.

Wear slightly fancier clothes, I'm not saying wear a suit but buy some cheap button-down shirts, maybe tuck it in.

You seem focused on your face especially. Learn how to do makeup. I believe a little eyeliner can make you seem kinder. (I don't use makeup myself, so you'll have to find someone else to teach you / verify this.) Done properly, nobody will notice the makeup.

Voice and gait training might also help. I have a theatre background and I know that there are ways to look more intimidating without actually changing your appearance, so you could probably train yourself to do the opposite of that.

Temporary but very effective fix, look at your phone. I'm a big guy myself, and if I'm waiting for a bus in the middle of the night and there's someone else there who seems nervous, I'll just read (or pretend to read) something on my phone. Instantly reduces your threat profile to nothing.

Short of wearing a white fleece with bright pink hearts on it, nothing.

Because your face isn't threatening.

The people being threatened by you, are being threatened by their racism, and that's not your fault.

Keep living your best life, and keep proving them wrong. They'll figure it out eventually, one by one.

I dunno to me you have a really friendly face

You look great I dont see an issue, not to use some worn out trope but smile more, practice if you need to.

You look like Wayne Brady to me.

I think you’re obsessing over your nose when that’s not the problem, and I worry that you’ll get a rhinoplasty and find that nothing has changed. I recommend seeing a psychologist or therapist, which carries low risk, before committing to surgery, which carries high risk (especially if you travel to a foreign country).

Edit: having read your responses, I’m going to guess you came to the internet for validation in your decision to reduce your nose, and I’m not surprised that we think it’s a bad idea. In my opinion you would be better served putting the money you saved towards starting your own laptop repair business. You could get away from your shitty boss, and filter the people you interact with on a daily basis.

Wear light coloured button up shirts and blazers on top, light colored trousers or faded jeans down below. Sweaters with the button ups is double plus good. Throw in a tie and you'll make racist old ladies swoon. If you look like a fashionable working nerd people will respond better. Carrying a travel mug is very disarming for racist old ladies. You aren't about to rob someone while sipping earl grey. Wearing dark colours or athletic clothes or trendy, youthful stuff and people will make their shitty assumptions.

Unless you do the full Michael Jackson, a nose job won't work. Racists gonna race. You have a naturally kind, handsome face for people who can see more than your skin pigments. Rhinoplasty would make you look weird to people who already aren't intimidated by you but do nothing to make you less intimidating to the crowd who makes you feel shitty for existing. I come from a deeply religious, conservative, racist, white family. I have insight into the minds of these shitty people. Spend that money on therapy and a vacation.

Am I crazy? You look both nice and approachable

An easy place to start is show some teeth. Like in a smile. Maybe always plan to go out like you're going to church. Your face looks fine to me. Just need some smile/laugh wrinkles. Maybe grow some wacky hair/facial hair. Isn't there a study that people overestimate how much other people notice/care about you?

Edit: The Spotlight Effect! I learned early on to not care what other people think. My motto is life is too short to please everyone. (On the other hand my race and/or experience is probably far from yours.)

Bruv i don’t see an issue.

Grow a mustache

I think you look nice, although perhaps a bit sad in this picture mostly because your eyes give me sad (or bored) vibes. It's not your appearance, although a genuine smile that reaches the eyes would do a lot to make you more approachable - I can't tell if that's the issue from this picture since you're not smiling. It might be something to do with your posture, or some way that you act like maybe the way you walk. It's really not obvious, but yeah, you look a nice person to me.