this post was submitted on 23 May 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What if they replace your name with your name. Is it still your name?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

It’s your name in name only

[–] [email protected] 40 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Okay, I know how to stop them. I'll tell you the steps one at a time. First, take your meds.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

Don't listen to this fool with his big pharma lies, what you gotta do is cover your computer desk with a layer of spray on glue, when you leave those little shits will come and get stuck, now you have your own magic prisoners!

I use mine yo help with small things, one of them is amazing at painting nails. Best 5 bucks I've spent.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Wait for them to kick in. An hour should be plenty.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Okay they kicked in. What next?

[–] [email protected] -1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If you still think it's a problem, call your psychiatrist and explain what's happening.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Psychiatrists can't help you with theseus gnomes, everyone knows that

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago

I can attest that every theseus gnome problem I've ever had was resolved by a psychiatrist.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Just gift me the PC, I will protect it from the gnomes

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Can't gift you the PC, it's no longer mine

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Especially since they could swap out every part of your psychiatrist between appointments, and then they're not your psychiatrist anymore.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

And then the swapped psychiatrist will swap your meds thus doing the gnome's work by proxy

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Is this why sometimes my computer says I don't have permission to access my files?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

You're not the administrator anymore dummy, the gnomes are. What you gotta do is wait until 3 am (peek gnome hour) and wait for them to emerge, hold one hostage and demand that gnome tech support reinstate you as admin. It's pretty easy really, just use pepper jack cheese as bait, gnomes fucking live ppj cheese

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Where the fuck did “Theseus Gnomes” come from?!?!

Ain’t no such thing in classical mythology.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Look, machine elves are union. Some people cheap out.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It's made up, from the classic Theseus's Ship paradox.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Ok fair enough.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Who do you think rebuilt the ship of theseus

It's right in the name lol

[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Similarly, I'm pretty sure I've been raped by a ninja but how would you know?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Maybe a novice but not a seasoned pro.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

Pee on it to mark it.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 5 months ago (1 children)

be me

using pc

need to pee

pees

Am I the only one who initially thought anon peeded his pants?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

It never actually says he didn't piss his pants, just that he left the room briefly. It's a greentext so for all we know he only left the room to get someone to help him change his diaper lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

or get a mop

[–] [email protected] 48 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Motherfucking Theseus gnomes. Always fucking shit up. They keep switching out my testicles. I have no idea where they came from.

Also, I thought it said thesaurus gnomes the first time I read it, which is still kinda funny.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

it's funny, comical, and humorous!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

Mirthful even!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

Glad that's not happening to me. I've had the same PC since 2007.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

They also replaced every neuron in his brain.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

be me

go pee

dark hallway

have to be fast so the darkness won't catch me

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