I think it's worth reminding people of the amazing song "God is a Freak", by Peach PRC
God is a bit of a freak
Why's he watching me getting railed on the couch
Staying pure for a wedding?
He's got fucked up priorities
this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2024
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I just wonder why it needs to be a certain season, and why a sundress is required.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Just saying…I never needed to wear a sundress, and it never needed to be a certain season.
I guess Bonnie made it to age 60 being a virgin and pleasing God somehow, and wishes that desolate solitary misery on everybody else
being a virgin and pleasing God somehow
Well, there's a reason they say that the most powerful position is on your knees..
I wanna be railed in a sundress... 🥺
Step 1) Procure and wear sundress
Step 2) Flirt provocatively
Step 3) ???
Step 4) Profit!
He's an overweight middle aged man though
The build order is the same bro
Eh let him live his best life
No accounting for taste
i dated a sundress girl once. goooood times.
The question everyone needs an answer to right now is: did you rail her in the sundress?
“goooood times” didn’t spell that our for ya?
Guys, I still don’t know whether that sundress was partly undressed and I am FREAKING OUT.
I can practically hear the rattle of pearls being clutched and gasps of indignation. How much you want to bet Bonnie was getting hers when she was young but that was "just in fun" or "she didn't know better but does now"?
Bonnie sure as shit isn't wearing pearls to clutch. Maybe clutching her Hallmark locket with a picture of her favorite Hummel figurine inside it.
Bonnie wishes she had a pearl necklace.
or she's salty she didn't
If he didn't like it, he wouldn't have invented getting railed in a sundress.
« I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I rail and get railed in a sundress; I, the LORD, do all these things. »
- Isaiah 45:7, probably
Welcome back to heaven, Jesus!
Man, that was fun. Next time I'm going as a girl in a sundress!
Second coming, to-do list: get nailed between two dudes.
"I am gonna be a lot more specific, for the third coming. And ideally the fourth and fifth."
Isn't one of their big rules "Be fruitful and multiply"?
I take that to mean getting railed in sundresses is perfectly christian.
And the Lord commandeth, "Go forth and do some ho shit"
"Do some shit" definitely implies anal.
"Go fourth" suggests a group setting.
'Go forth and receive eternal life.'
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
[redacted]
And by be fruitful and multiply he clearly meant, only having sex with the lights out, under the covers, in the missionary position, for the sole purpose of procreation.
Also female orgasm is a sin, she's basically whore then and probably would also enjoy it with others
Not just a sin, but also a myth. Only men can orgasm!
Who was that Republican dude whose wife said something like women don't orgasm and a women getting wet is a medical issue? That poor girl.
Ben Shapiro. That poor dude’s wife.
That was Ben Shapiro's wife who, I believe, is a physician. She's got some interesting cognitive dissonance going on.
I personally know a gynecologist who, in her thirties, was still uneducated on the wonders of receiving oral sex, on the existence of the G spot, etc. Apparently they don't really have time for that sort of stuff in the cursus in a lot of countries. Sexual health doesn't include pleasure, it seems.
Which is to say, unless it comes from personal experience, they won't be advocating for that sort of stuff.
So it makes perfect sense if that lady is a strict Christian who married her "first love" and isn't really a medical gynecologist and he's the typical "i need a wife who's a virgin so I'll never gave to make an effort because she'll never know any better" dude. That poor woman should shut the fuck up though.
Only if it involves getting nailed while on a cross
Yeah I'm going to hell.
imagine getting nailed so hard they make 4 extra holes
A night with my ex and our buddies
I'll keep you company, I laughed