this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2023
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top 41 comments
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[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

So much money spent on these machines when they could just hire an on-site hooker

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

If they have any extras hmu

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That's disgusting. Where would you even buy a horrible machine like that, and how much would that terrible thing cost with shipping?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Search "banana cleaner" on Amazon

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Keeping these things sanitary must be a nightmare

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Guys, does girth similarity affect the machine's ability to jerk off different donors?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Someone get the whiteboard...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Ransomware: pay 5BTC or I'll bite your dick off

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

My ex used to help everyone out like this too.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

A team of people had to design this

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Once installed, a new team of people would have to maintain it. Mechanics with biotech engineering degrees. Cleaning technicians with advanced degrees in medicine, robotics, and hygiene. Eventually an aftermarket for used jizzbots would form, resulting in cum-puter resellers and replacement part manufacturers. Unlicensed spunkdroid hotrodders overclocking their barely legal Frankenstein fuck factories for orgasms previously inconceivable to the human mind. Soon we'll all be slaves to the perpetual pussy motion machine, our minds melting into one... unnnnnngggggg... wow, that was a lot to type one-handed, where am I, what's happening? (jk but this stupid gag really got away from me!)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

New Lemmypasta?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Round after round of tests and revisions, too. Who tested the alpha version? What were the issues? I’d love to see those notes.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you not cum

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

When you nut but the milking machine keeps milking

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (3 children)

What if I need prostate stimulation?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Then just cum into the jar during a prostate exam like everyone else, unless you're too good for that 🙄

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Ask buddy to help

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

HAL 9000: "Best I can do is slap your testicles, Dave."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Too embarrassed to crank one at the hospital, but not too embarrassed to have a machine suck you off while you stand at the row of machines with all the other donors. Urinal etiquette does apply, btw! Don't be That Guy who goes straight for the middle BJ Bot!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

We'll you can hold hands with buddy on next machine. Helps to make itess stressful

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

If they configure them face to face, they could probably build one machine that jerks off two donors at the same time, on the upstroke and downstroke.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Mechanical docking machine

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

I’d hope they’d at least be in stalls so that I can only see the feet of the dudes getting sucked off on either side of me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

if we had these i would donate twice a day.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is there a version that talks back to you? "Give me your sperm baby".

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Hopefully it has customisable options - different voices, a setting to throw insults at you while it extracts the baby batter, and a FF victory jingle once you've nutted.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Oh man, I have this problem to a high degree. Almost anywhere outside the home I'm embarrassed to masturbate. I feel this way at the grocery, the laundromat, even dentists office. Hospitals are intimidating, so it's a great place to start, but there are lots of places we should be putting these. Hopefully they come out with a portable version to make this something that we don't need to be embarrassed about anywhere really.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

im sorry to say but its just a cope. these machines will never replace the experience of cranking one out in a public restroom

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Would be nice to see these in supermarkets and malls, maybe in restaurants so you could pay part of the bill in cum

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Well, it's more likely to catch on than real world applications of crypto at least.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Tbf crypto currencies were a good idea that got fucked up, this is fucked already

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

good idea for what?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Where can i get one? For research purposes of course…

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Just Google autoblow. You might have to add a stool or something.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Just went to their website and that shit looks like a parody of itself.

But for $220...