Jesus, someone get that kid to a doctor.
this post was submitted on 23 Mar 2024
480 points (99.0% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
26816 readers
2893 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Kids a genius, figured out office jobs in elementary.
Ahh the serial killer font handwriting, truly whimsical
I seriously wish all of you slow shitters not to ever find out that you have a hemorrhoid problem.
same
what having a phone does to a mf
People who use their phone while pooping are gross.
Read a book that everyone else in the bathroom has been touching like we did in the old days!
Forget your phone, no books. Guess I am reading the chemical composition of air freshener today...
How do you guys have your hands free to hold a phone or book?
I poop with my feet so may hands are free
For real, aren't they manually extracting the feces from their rectum like we are?
I'm not gonna ask
2hrs 15 minutes? Dang that's a fast record!
2 hours is a lot, but some folks do have conditions that make pooping take longer. I’m one of those people and it was always aggravating as fuck getting in trouble for pooping. I ended up just holding it all day for the most part even when it became painful.
You're not alone. I stay a minimum of 20 minutes every time with or without a phone. That's just how it works for me.
2h 15mins?
Those are rookie numbers!
Now leave your phone on the table and let's see how long it takes then.
Eh, I've read every label on cleaning products at least thrice, just around an hour.
Just did, I still got earphones tho. Took 4 songs long. But desolation row is an 11 mins song
That song is a banger
Goddamn right it is
Maybe he's not constipated. Maybe he just takes really long shits. Like bowl filling poos that almost come back up to touch your butt. 2 straight hours of non-stop healthy shit coming out.
You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.
This is the story of this man if he did not know how to control his power.
Was this written by AI? Because this would be a really funny use of AI.
Nah it's a classic pasta
Good one
Keep going, I'm so close
(Not really)
It has been a while sice i have seen this
That kid is going to have piles the size of grapefruit.
Psyllium husk. It'll change your life for the better.
Ispaghol we call it here
Probably just needs more fiber
That kid takes union shits. I approve.