Unpopular Opinion

Am I weird in that I think it's weird to announce that kind of thing on a dating profile? Like, I'm on all the dating apps and people generally don't get access to me until there's a mutual agreement to match, right? Unless you're swiping on everyone or they're actively trying to hide it, are you matching with a lot of trans folk? Are you so inundated by these matches that you feel the need to announce these preferences up front? I can't imagine it's so many that you can't just have a polite conversation when it comes up and explain the preference? It's the whole need to announce it, knowing how it could come off, that makes people question the intent. If you were at the bar and someone you're attracted to comes up to talk, do you stop them and say "before you go any further, know that I only date cis people."?

See your main problem is that you were dumb enough to try going on a dating app to begin with

It's pretty well established by now that those things are basically useless save for a lucky few

I am the dad of a transgender person and I agree. Sexual and romantic attraction should never be held to the same standard. The heart (and the genitals) wants what it wants

The underlying issue is that dating apps just need better filters. An ideal one would be were you could filter out any deal breakers.

I'm trans. I think the reason people get upset is because of the reason behind the preference. That reason can be totally valid, to totally shitty, and people assume either the best or the worst depending on their perspective usually. A trans person seeing this might assume "oh boy another transphobe" while a cis person would think "yep and I won't date a person who owns cats because I'm deadly allergic" and carry on.

On top of that a blanket "I won't date trans people" rule tends to ignore "outliers" like nonbinary, intersex, or gender fluid people, which can feel pretty bad when the underlying reason doesn't fit the actual real life scenario you might be in.

Here's a few reasons behind the preference that I can think of:

• I'm straight and want bio kids - Fair enough, either your partner is cis or they aren't compatible for that goal, or you're getting into the nonbinary grey area.

• I don't want to deal with the extra baggage, potential judgement from peers, or mental/physical health comorbidities that come with transition - kinda bleh but its your choice and only you can really decide what you're willing to invite on yourself, but it feels crappy for trans people who definitely didn't ask to be trans either.

• I'm attracted to specific genital configurations - that's your preference, but it sort of ignores any post op trans people, which feels really shitty if as a trans person you've done this major surgery to be happier and more yourself, and people just assume you haven't, and won't talk to or engage with you over something you already changed, through a very intensive and difficult process. Overall though genital preferences are perfectly fine, people just don't like saying "I only like penis" because it sounds weird, so they substitute "I only like cis men" thinking that's a less awkward alternative.

• I don't think trans people are who they identify as - real shit and the kind of people most are actually mad at when people day "I won't date trans people.

Anyways, I'm sure there are more, but the point I'm trying to make is, saying you won't date trans people is just kinda vague. Many people will assume the worst, which is on them, but it would help to clarify and be clear about what your real preference is, or why you have it. For instance "I want to have bio kids someday, so if we aren't compatible on that level then that is a dealbreaker" or "I'm straight and I'm only interested in Cis or post op trans women" which with a couple extra words clearly portrays that its a genital preference without explicitly saying it.

TLDR: having preferences is perfectly fine but when people judge you it's because it isn't clear why you have that preference, and usually ignores outliers. Clarification, while maybe a bit longer or more complicated, would eliminate the anger in most cases. The people who still get upset are likely to be angry no matter what.

I’d like to congratulate OP for handling a difficult subject in a way that’s both straightforward and thoughtful!

I think the trickiest part is that trans people generally have spent a lot more time thinking about their sexuality and identity than most cis people. Most cis people (or at least cishet) have put basically 0 thought into it. They cant articulate better than "straight", and if you probe further they would just say "I like men/women". They cant fully identifyor explain what it is about the opposite sex specifically they are attracted to because they often havent had to think about it ever. And if genitals are a factor in that attraction, then it may be pretty important. Some people may be able to see past that. Some may not. But we shouldn't force someone to date somebody they arent attracted to, even if they cant eloquently fully explain why they arent attracted.

Why do you shout cis every time you say it? I agree that I don't have any interest in dating someone who doesn't want to date me but I'm very confused about the yelling.

I hope this isn't actually an unpopular opinion. People objectively have a type of what they do and don't want. Specification is a good thing and will help people find their match faster. The last thing a person, either trans or not trans would want, is to spend time with someone who will never work for them.

Personally I agree. Personally one of the biggest factors that makes me want to get into a relationship in the first place is more or less to make a kid. Sure adoptions are a thing but like I just don't see myself getting turned on by sex with someone who doesn't have a vagina. The most I can see her doing for me is a hand job. Shallow yea but that's just kinda biology. I can't see anyone making me enjoy a trans woman anymore than you can make a gay dude enjoy a cis woman. And all that's not even mentioning I live in a place where parents still pressure their children to make grandkids.

I'm a transwoman and I agree with you on this. When I was dating, I was upfront and when a guy said it was a deal breaker, it saved both of us a lot of time.

Most guys I talked to said it was a dealbreaker, and yeah it sucks. It makes you feel "othered." But I can't expect anyone to go outside their sexual comfort zone for a rando on Tinder.

Most of the guys were very polite about it all, too. And that's all you should need to do.

If someone's shaming you about it, that's a good sign they have something going on in their own life. Essentially it's their problem, not yours.

Hope this helps~

"I want to announce that I have no intention of allowing myself to get to know a certain type of person"

"Why are people treating me like I'm a certain type of person, who people wouldn't like to get to know?"

on the flip side, people should be able to say they want a trans partner.

real talk though, no one should be deceiving anyone if they plan to start a healthy relationship with someone, period.

I'm stealth trans in public and don't feel it's necessary to come out to every one i meet or even work with. But if I'm flirting with someone or know someone has an interest in me, I respect them enough to let them know.

it all comes back to the idea that you don't need to know what someone's genitals look like unless you plan on fucking them.

Just put "want to one day have kids" in your profile, then get over it.

You need to go outside and touch grass, holy cow you're online too much.

1: not unpopular

2: if this is a scenario you are actually seeing in real life, you should find better people to hang out with.