Fun fact, they were bald everywhere else.

I think he fits in my car. I could take him too.

The girl will still date him over meeting you in the woods.

Wait what? Damn I didn't know that.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_auk

The great auk (Pinguinus impennis), also known as the penguin or garefowl, is an extinct species of flightless alcid that first appeared around 400,000 years ago and became extinct in the mid-19th century. It was the only modern species in the genus Pinguinus. It was not closely related to the penguins of the Southern Hemisphere, which were named for their resemblance to this species.

?!

the human urge to eat literally anything except plants

Most seabirds taste like oily fish but with the texture of chicken.