this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
162 points (96.0% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

31670 readers
4358 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

The emoji let's you know that it's funny.

top 29 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 2 points 50 minutes ago

I experienced a poop knife in real life. In Boy Scouts, there's a thing where you can go sail in a boat off the coast of Florida for a week. When the captain explained the rules, he talked about a stash of disposable knives in the head (bathroom).

Basically, he had issues with kids trying to hold their poops until they got to the mid-week stop on shore. They wouldn't make it and ended up clogging the 30 foot boat's plumbing with their product, so he explained that if we took a big enough shit we had to cut it up before flushing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago

Why make it so short

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

I seriously wish there was something better to avoid leftovers. Brushes and whatever this shit is do not seem very sanitary to me, and for sure it's annoying you have to use them at all. Can't they do some durable coating and direct the water to hit shit with higher pressure? I feel like there is next to zero innovation in the toilet industry

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 hours ago

Poop knife was a meme about something else, but to answer you, this is how you can do it.

  1. Flush.
  2. Get a strip of toilet paper.
  3. Lay it such that it is over the poo on the edge and also in the water.
  4. Because you recently flushed and the end is in water, the entire strip of toilet paper should now be wet and clinging to the edge.
  5. Flush again. The toilet paper gets sucked and/or pushed down and should get the poo with it.
[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 hours ago

I believe the Japanese are eons ahead of everyone else in toilet technology.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago

I hope they are atleast single use!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Americans will do literally anything to avoid eating more fiber

[–] [email protected] 11 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

fiber is what makes the poop knife neccecary

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 hours ago

Idk. In my experience fiber makes poops that are solid, but more easily broken up, while eating cheeseburgers exclusively makes dense greasy shits that stick together

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Are you one of those "carnivore diet" guys, who call fibers "carbs"?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

Fibers are the stuff that makes your poop hard and rock like. Sort of the inverse of diarhrea

[–] [email protected] 18 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

All from a reddit comment like 5 years ago.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

Yeah, I’m waiting to see Lemmy develop it’s own museum of weirdness.

I remember the Reddit poop knife, i’d rather not see it here.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 hour ago

Beans and not pooping for three days?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 hours ago

Around the time of the first Reddit exodus there was the person who said they needed to not poo for three days and was wondering what to do about it. Then there were bean memes but that's not really unique to Lemmy. Recently there was the one where everyone made German jokes because Americans can't read them when we come online.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

We already have the cylinder guy, so that's a start

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 hours ago

Ah, turns out that was actually on Reddit, I just read about it on here 😅

I was talking about this Reddit post, where someone got a "cylinder" stuck in a tube and needed help removing it

[–] [email protected] 12 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

5? I have some news for you....

[–] [email protected] 4 points 17 hours ago

Ahp ahp ahp ahp, we don't do that in this house, honey. We are devout believers and it is by our faith that we believe it was 5 short years ago, amen. :)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

They make toilets with an automatic poop knife.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

Or you could just shit in the garbage disposal

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 22 hours ago

Have you tried adequate plumbing?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

Imagine giving these to someone as a present

[–] [email protected] 4 points 18 hours ago

Invite them over. Make a cake. Wait to frost the cake until they're there. Frost Cake with a new clean poop knife. Eat cake. Gift poop knife while licking frosting off the clean knife. Wait for realizations.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 17 hours ago

Thank you for correcting this Image

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

Hmm it feels like there should be a red body down there...