I had to double check if this was The Onion or Not The Onion lol
this post was submitted on 17 May 2025
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Going to be so defenseless real soon.
Are hegseth and trump vying to see who can be the stupidest fucker alive?
It’s satire from The Onion.
And that changes my comment... how?
Fascists suck at war
like ALEX, casey,,,etc.
Or Francis. Or Max (because it could be Maximilian or Maxine) or Sam (because it could be Samuel or Samantha), and if they have a French name, Mich (for either Michel or Michelle) or any number of other names.
EDIT: oh fuck it's an onion article! Thank goodness!
Seeing a batshit insane headline actually coming from TheOnion is really refreshing
always been last name or shithead. 🤷♂️
Jody your out. Now here's your separation documents and a list of the home addresses of all your battle buddies so you can keep in touch. Dismissed!
Sorry Stacy, pack your shit!
"what kind of name is Lindsey for a man? Ash! Get this pansy out of here."
male personnel with feminine names can also cowardly bomb brown children from a safe distance.
Ate the onion.
Me too.
Same. It's just too real.
hate how possible onion articles are nowadays.
Are you the guys on the beach who hate everything?
So… if I want my son to be spared from the draft all I have to do is give him a traditionally masculine name like Kelly, Courtney or Ashley?
if I want my son to be spared from the draft
Or Donald Trump.
Brb, changing my name to I can avoid getting drafted
(Kinda wished this was real, that'd be an epic uno-reverse)
There's gotta be a Jody joke in there somewhere
Whats hilarious about this is that senior commanders would be more likely to have “girls” names considering names tend to flip back and forth gender-wise. Any young Lindsay you meet today will likely be a girl, meanwhile you have old dudes like Lindsay Graham in the senate
Leslie is another one
Mitch McConnell’s actual first name is Addison.
J.D. Vance’s first name is Jethica
Sponsored by Lindsey Graham.
Lol
What you expect him to go by a different name? The teacher will have to report this to the parents.
Well, my daddy left home when I was three
Didn't leave very much to my mom and me
Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now I don't blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that my daddy ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me Sue
We're looking at you Terry
You got me. It's just so plausible at this point, I ate it.
It wasn't until I saw your comment that I realised I ate the onion
It's a good one, I really thought it happened.
At this point, it wouldn't surprise me if they're getting their policy ideas from The Onion.
I know, right? If it's insane, it might actually come from El Trump.
Remember ths time a persident could be impeached for having his c0ck sucked by an intern.
I mean, Trump has been impeached and just like with Clinton, it doesn't matter.
As if joining a men’s only organization - sleep with, shower with, eat every meal with, roll around in the mud with - isn’t the gayest shit ever. Shut it all down and settle your disputes the good old fashion pissing contest way; whoever holds 2L of beer the longest.
It’s not gay, if you say no homo.
Replace Semper Fi with No Homo and you’ve got a deal.
Deal.
Bruhhhh
I ate it. It tasted like... fascism.