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U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Combat (theonion.com)

submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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WASHINGTON—In a move that significantly restricts the eligibility of thousands of American troops to fight for their country on the front lines, senior U.S. military officials announced Wednesday that all men with girl names would now be forbidden from serving in combat roles.

The ban, which goes into effect immediately, prohibits male personnel with clearly feminine names like Jamie, Sandy, and Alexis from serving in all artillery, infantry, and armored units. According to a Defense Department memo, the military is less effective as a fighting force when it deploys men named Francis, Sloan, Carol, or Loren in active conflict zones.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Or Francis. Or Max (because it could be Maximilian or Maxine) or Sam (because it could be Samuel or Samantha), and if they have a French name, Mich (for either Michel or Michelle) or any number of other names.

EDIT: oh fuck it's an onion article! Thank goodness!