this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2024
14 points (100.0% liked)

Not The Onion

11846 readers
452 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 32 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Given what I know about Republican God and Supply Side Jesus, I'd say that he's just doing his lord's work as intended.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Agreed. How what he did is illegal, but the prosperity gospel megachurch pastors, flying around in private jets and living in McEstates the size of castles; is perfectly fine and dandy. Is beyond me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Apparently it is easier getting in the heavenly kingdom on a private jet than on a camel's back.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Lord bling bling

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

He failed the Lord's test miserably

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

The lord does indeed move in mysterious ways.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

If you're doing business with a religious son of a bitch, get ... it ... in ... writing. His word isn't worth shit, not with The Good Lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal.

-William S. Burroughs, Advice for Young People

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

It’s not wrong. I used to freelance full time. I quickly learned to never trust any company that claimed to be religious. Most companies I worked with were fine. But if I saw a jesus fish on the owner’s car, or a cross on their business card, I knew they were going to try to fleece me. Everything from exceeding contract scope, to just outright refusing to pay after services have been rendered. If you have convinced yourself that God is on your side no matter what, it becomes very easy to justify your shitty actions to yourself.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (2 children)

A long time personal mantra of mine is "never trust anyone with a 'Jesus fish' or a cross on their business card." People who feel the need to advertise how religious they are are often the least trustworthy, in my experience.

Also, churches are often horrible clients. Years ago, I did consulting work and dealt with lots of churches. Most of them were really shitty and don't like to pay their bills. We had exactly two churches, out of probably dozens, that were good clients.

I'm a Christian and this is been my experience so I totally get why some people feel like the church, as a whole, is shit. A lot of times it's a well deserved reputation unfortunately.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

It’s the same argument of why some Christians are terrified of atheists.

To them, the only thing that stops someone from raping, murdering, and stealing their way through life is the book they had shoved down their throat in Sunday school. They can’t envision a world where people just have morals all on their own, it has to come from an external source like religion. So someone without that external moral compass must be deranged and dangerous in their eyes.

Of course, to a normal person, this view itself is utterly deranged, and speaks more about the religious person’s complete lack of inherent morals. If the only thing stopping you from raping, murdering, and pillaging your way through life is some old book and some stories about a cool dude, then you’re not really a good or trustworthy person. Especially since that same book says you can do all those terrible things, and as long as you go “sorry teehee” right before you kick the bucket, you get to go to the McDonald playplace in the sky anyway.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

And we've got people saying that churches shouldn't be taxed because they're like charities...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

So does that mean he's an atheist now?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

Nope just a total POS

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

In keeping with the finest traditions of religion.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Even better:

The pastor and his wife marketed their “practically worthless” cryptocurrency, INDXcoin, to Christian communities in Denver, telling them that “God told him people would become wealthy” if they invested, the Colorado Division of Securities said.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Don't tease us, did the pastor become wealthy or not?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Funny how god never tells them to do something they don't actually want to do in the first place or that doesn't benefit them, innit?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Rita Rudner funny.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Lets be honest, is his story any less believable than the contents of the Bible?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

"Get yourself something nice. "

  • The big man upstairs
[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

treat yo self!

*Jesus

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Christ called that Lord Mammon, you heathen.. you're gonna burn in Hell for lying with his name in your mouth..

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

Hahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahaahahahhhhhhhahahahaha

Out of the $1.3 [million], half a million dollars went to the IRS [Internal Revenue Services],

Yeah, so like, don't be so upset because it wasn't really 1.3 million I stole. The g o v e r n m e n t stole a half million of your hard earned money you invested.

Holy men (and women) should stick to the tried-and-true grift of their profession.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

You cant prove he didn’t and we don’t doubt the word of God in our new christofacist wonderland.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Most of these people I think somehow manage to fail some mental check on internal dialog. Of course our internal dialogs are like "do iiiit!", but most of us recognize that as wrong and ignore it. I think these guys just go "Oh, lord I've been waiting to hear from you again! Oh, I should just do anything I want!? COOL!"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

They all chose "The Dark Urge" playthrough and are failing miserably.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Or they are psychopathic liars taking their congregation for a ride.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I think there are some genuine delusionals in the mix for sure. But yeah, I'd guess that it's mostly psychopathic liars.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 7 months ago

The rubes are delusional, the leaders know exactly what they are doing.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

The lord tells me he should be penniless rotting in prison.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

And that is pretty much how everything goes in the church. Everything you do is because The Lord told you to. So glad I freed myself from that circus.