this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025

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Don't be mean. I promise to do my best to judge that fairly.

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not a metaphor for anything (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:

imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Saved

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 days ago (19 children)

I’m personally kind of reminded of how “faggot” and “dyke” are being “taken back” and used jokingly/sarcastically, but I still get really uncomfortable if someone uses them with me. They’ll say “oh I don’t mean it offensively!” But it’s not really up to you to decide what’s offending another person or not.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

That's how I feel about the Q

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago (7 children)

It’s like when I lived in Miami and everyone called me “gringo” or “flaco.” When I asked them to stop they would say it was endearing. But imagine if I called them “removed” or “fatty” what their reaction would be.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago (3 children)

New response if TERFism:

"Ok dipshit"

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago

We started calling my wife's narcissistic psychopathic Russian ex dipshit because we got tired of having to use his name. Now I barely remember his name, it's just dip shit

Then one day she got tired of his crap, beat the shit out of him, so now we just call him dip

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Language is owned by the group.

Individuals don't dictate to the group.

This individual is asserting a definition of "dipshit" that contradicts the definition held by the group.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (11 children)

are you saying it's unreasonable to ask not to be called something you don't want to be called?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago

It would require a feat of marketing to shift the definition used by the group. I think that's how it's generally done. Call it reasonable or unreasonable or whatever you like.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

There's a certain societal inertia you have to push against, and it's unrealistic to expect everyone to change these patterns for you instantly. Friends/family/kind acquaintances will take some time, and others may never change for your sake.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Reminds me of Nelson Piquet, a former F1 driver, calling Lewis Hamilton a Neguinho when he was talking about current day F1 drivers in an interview. He called every driver by their name except Hamilton. Then Piquet and his brother ofcourse went with the “that’s how we always call each other even my grandma calls me that” defense

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I understand the desire to have people use your pronouns, and as long as one can see what gender you are "presenting", one should use those pronouns.

If someone prefers other pronouns, then I'm sorry... Many people (me included) have a hard time remembering names... I wouldn't have a chance remembering a large set of different pronouns if I can't even remember the names of that person. A pronoun is a non specific way of addressing someone and a break life saver like "you"...

To to switch to an all inclusive them/they for everybody seems overreaching.

If it's not obvious what pronouns someone prefers, then they shouldn't be annoyed if someone makes repeatedly mistakes.

And this makes it hard to distinguish a mistake from an insult...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

If the same person repeatedly makes the same mistake after being corrected it's fair to think that person might be an asshole.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

It isn't about remembering names, it's about being willing to use the correct one when informed. Exchange pronouns for proper names to test the concept.

If you forget someone's name and you think it is 'Pat' but it is actually 'Kelly' would you continue to call them '~~Kelly~~Pat'after remembering that it is '~~Pat~~Kelly'?

*Edit: I love that I mixed myself up even in my example. But to prove my point I'll call the correction out and be fine with that.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The problem isn't someone getting a pronoun wrong on occasion. It's when someone deliberately uses the wrong one, and often times stresses the the pronunciation, in order to make sure you know they choose to use the wrong one deliberately.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

If they act like cunts, we should call them cunts. But I totally understand that's not possible in all situations, like when you have a person in power cunting all over you.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 2 days ago (7 children)

I think both is problematic.

If you know that dipshit is not meant in a harmful way by the other person, then why do you care being called it?

Same on the other side, if you know the other person wouldn't like to be called dipshit, why would you call them that?

I really think they both have problems that they need to address within themselves.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Not wanting people to do things to you is not wrong. I don't want people to defecate on me, even in an affectionate or accidental way, even though it's not harmful. Is that wrong?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

I don't want you to walk next to me on the street. The view of you pisses me off.

Is that wrong? Or am I allowed to tell you where you shall walk?

If the person truly doesn't mean no offense with "dipshit" but you still take offense from it, that's what I'm talking about.

Same as walking on the street, if you don't want to see the person, just don't go on the street close to them. If you don't want to hear something they're saying then don't speak to them, avoid them.

I already said that if someone doesn't want to be called dipshit, then there's no reason to keep calling them that.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (4 children)

It feels like your looking for a way to be offended. If someone told me they don't want me to walk next to them, I wouldn't walk next to them because we should be allowed to control a space around ourselves. If someone said they don't like looking at me, that's solved by them not looking at me.

Reasonably remove yourself from a situation if you can. Don't harass people. Treat people how they want to be treated. Work together to solve problems. This is stuff children learn, it's not hard. Because the problem with your logic is that you can say "I'm allowed to invade your personal space. It's on you to leave."

But, because you want to feel offended, you will likely say "Oh, what if my personal space is five miles around me what then?!?" to which I would roll my eyes, say ok, and let you enjoy your zero friends.

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[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 days ago

Studies show self esteem is more impacted by the values a person grew up with than their own values. That means most of the time, developing or changing your own values doesn't increase self esteem. You need to be respected in a way that makes sense in the culture you grew up with. Some people can overcome their birth culture, but not many.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

That’s not how it works at all.

The person being addressed has an issue and reasonably has requested an accommodation that costs nothing.

The other person says nah, can’t be bothered, I don’t care how you feel. Suck it.

These are not the same thing.

Edit: words.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

It doesn't cost nothing though.

If a person habitually calls everyone "dipshit", they need to pay close attention every time they speak with that person, making sure to think about every word coming out of their mouth and making sure none of these is "dipshit".

Just try speaking to someone and never using "the" ever, it's incredibly hard. If you're used to speaking in a certain way, it's very hard to change and takes a lot of mental work. And it's ok if it's one word with one person... but what if everyone decides a word or multiple words isn't fine to them? It gets harder and harder.

This is not a complete non-issue like it's being treated.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

Yes. One has a problem of being called dipshit...the other is one.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 days ago

Generally being nice to other people is a good thing. It makes the world a nicer place for everyone. And in cases like this, it seems like it is pretty easy to be nice - just don't call that person 'dipshit'. That just seems like a very low-cost way to show the person that you respect them.

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