That's all fine, it's when she gets naked on the bed with a jar of peanut butter and a spatula that things start getting weird
this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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My main issue with this is that the way we train dogs is that we train them to be dependant on us. So yeah, she's training him to come out of his shell, maybe, but if it works the same way a dog does he'll only be loyal and listen to her. Especially because anyone else he meets won't treat him like a dog and will expect him to behave like a person without the expectation of rewards which would probably make him more adverse to others
Of course, he's a human being too so it won't go down exactly like that. I'm just saying that from the very first premise the way we train dogs is by training them to be codependant
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The problem is not the actions. The problem is your mentality. If you're trying to train a human being, that sounds pretty f****** terrible. On the other hand, if you're trying to support for and care for them, it doesn't sound terrible.
Based on the wording, it sounds like the former, but perhaps you're just trying to make your post dramatic for the internet and the actual situation is more like the latter. We don't know, but you do, so act accordingly.
Honestly if we treated each other as well as we treated dogs we'd already be in paradise.
😬
Some dogs.
This is just poorly thought out. You offer dessert and to pay, then classify it as food motivation. I mean it could be that he's happy you're paying, or happy you want to be out longer. If anything, he just ate, so food motivation would be at its lowest.
You're taking an animal that isn't as complex as humans or even has a concept of society, and trying to apply that to a person in a relationship. I think the thought is there, but the conclusions are a bit flawed.
We're only more complex in that we have language systems so can assess situations in a more detailed way. The majority of the time we have pretty much the same instincts and responses to stimuli to many other animals because, in short, it takes less energy/effort. Being able to conceive society, something canines can do, doesn't stop other natural instincts. There is a level of simplification, yes, but this is a social media post, not a scientific study so it won’t explain every minute detail!
We’re only more complex in that we have language systems so can assess situations in a more detailed way.
In part yes. But we also have a society. We have concepts of social norms that we created and evolved. We have expectations developed through a lifetime of education and media. A human from 50 years ago would feel lost in today's world, let alone a dog. We may be driven by some same basics, but we are more complex.
My point is that we can't talk to dogs like we can to humans. So we learn signs and try to interpret them as best we can. But interpretations are just that - interpretations. They can be wrong. A better method would be to talk and discuss the issue, removing the need for any guesswork.
M&M?
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She seems to have only the best intentions, but I can't help but feel a little creeped out. She's using a psychological trick to leverage this man's trauma in order to get him to behave in a certain way, and she's doing it without his knowledge or consent. I think that's dishonest at the very least, and I don't think building the foundation of your relationship on calculated manipulation is going to lead to a good outcome.
I'd even go as far as saying her emotional intelligence creates a power imbalance in the relationship, which she is deliberately exploiting.
Eh, I see it as a way to overcome trauma. In therapy don't they give you "tools" to use to achieve the same? Unknown that's the individual doing it themselves and not a third party doing it. But I don't see it as overly wrong.
At least until the individual overcomes the trauma, although I suppose they themselves should be able to acknowledge that they have overcome it.
So I don't know. What I do know is if someone felt that strongly, directly towards my mental health, it would be amazing.
I agree that what she does is manipulative and condescending even with the best intentions (paving the road to hell and all that), but I have issues with the use of "emotional intelligence" here.
An emotional intelligent person does NOT do this kind of shit on purpose.
They meet the other person where they're at and on the same level, they communicate honestly, they don't presume to educate or manage them.
I'd say she comes off more as emotionally stunted, she has no idea know how to relate with her partner as an equal.
Some people take great offense when you don’t pretend humans have somehow evolved beyond the animal kingdom. Yes, we are still animals, and much of what works for them still works on us.
It's odd, sweet, I think. She's doing her best in the way she knows best
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Yeah I think that's pretty gross. This person stated that the person they are dating is emotionally unavailable and has potentially been abused as a child. But because they find them pretty, they decided to manipulate a person like they manipulate animals for selfish purposes. (Both are bad!) Their partner probably needs therapy not to be emotionally manipulated by their partner.
I am asking this more out of curiosity than criticism, but how would you deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable, shows signs of childhood abuse, but treats you pretty fairly?
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sounds like they treat their partner better than most people do, honestly.
People forget that humans are just animals (that can sometimes reason and talk). I still stand that dog training guides make better parenting books than many parenting books. At least up till around 3 years old.
The extension of this to adults is more challenging. Intent matters. This could be used abusively VERY easily. That is not happening here, however. With great power, comes great responsibility.
It's also worth noting that, if you use this, plan out how you will explain it later. A panicked, "oh shit, (s)he caught on!" will look bad, no matter what. A calm, thoughtful, positive explanation, delivered with confidence will likely get a lot more acceptance.
A: "Ok, what's with the M&Ms?"
B: "You've noticed then. :)"
A: "..."
B: "I noticed chocolate made you happy. I also noticed you were trying to overcome some negative habits. I decided to help. Whenever you put effort in, I rewarded it with a bit of chocolate. It makes you happy, and helps you lock a good habit in better."
A: "... You've been conditioning me?!?"
B: "Yes, don't you like the improvement?"
A "... yes, but I'm not sure I should..."
B: "M&M?"
Just squirt him with the water bottle if he starts asking questions like this.
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You could also be even more cautious: "I noticed that they cheer you up, so I try to have them on hand for when you're feeling down." No mention of conditioning, wholesome, hard to argue against.
We constantly condition each other all the time. It's a part of human interaction. We don't usually do it consciously, but it's conditioning nonetheless. Couples will subtly condition their behavior to be more in tune with each other.
Consider a simple example. Imagine a you're in a couple, and you just moved in together. You're both used to living alone. You're used to flicking on the bedroom light as you walk into the bedroom before bed to prepare for bed. Unfortunately your partner tends to go to sleep before you. You wake them up a few times by accident, and they understandably grumble. You feel bad about it, as you care about them and don't want to wake them up. You wince the next day when you see how tired they seem. In time, you stop flicking the light on before you enter the room. Your partner's actions have conditioned you to not turn the light on. Your partner conditioned you without even intending to. We condition each other constantly. We observe what effect our behavior has on others, and we adjust our own behavior accordingly. We usually just don't refer to it as "conditioning," as that tends to have a nefarious connotation.
All true, but it isn't always best to lead with that. It can provoke an emotional response that might not be productive.
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Hey if it works out works. She is an asshole for not using proper grammar and punctuation though.
No sex or kinkiness needed. Just take me home, animals are treated better than humans ;_;
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Woof
I'm gonna run away from home and start barking at people.
Maybe I'll get lucky, either way I'll be taken care of.
Friend is jealous of dogboy
You know if the dude’s friends pick up on this they’ll start calling him dog boy.