this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2025
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Officially have been a DM for 10yrs - AMA (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
33 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

It’s kinda crazy for me to think about. Story time! Otherwise just ask me anything :)

Around 11 years ago, I sat in the lounge that the Video Game Club occupies once a month on college campus. I looked over and saw a group of gamers go into one of the meeting rooms attached to the lounge - but instead of laptops or gaming consoles, they had books and dice and paper. I scoffed and thought they were too nerdy and cringey - I then went back to munching Doritos, chugging MtDew, and playing Borderlands/Skyrim/Pokemon for the next 12 hours lol.

Thankfully I was saved from my misguided views. A member of the VGC invited me to try out DnD, his group had an open spot. I was hesitant, but I craved more creativity in games that just couldn’t be supplied. So I decided to try it out.

Ended up not having a great time. One player was entirely checked out for 80% of the time and was a scumbag during the 20% he was engaged. The DM either was very new, or just had some very questionable calls. There were of course some fun moments but not a great impression.

I knew the game had potential. And I knew I could run it better.

So 10yrs ago today, my Players Handbook arrived, which is when I really began my journey to learning the rules, how to make characters, and how to run the game.

I’ve since had a few successfully completed long term games, including one that was over 5 years. I’ve ran a game at a convention, I’ve done some paid birthday parties, in person and online long campaigns, even some very successful afterschool programs while I was a teacher for a few years.

At my peak, I was running 4 games weekly. Since then I’ve slowed down a bit more and focus on two good weekly games.

Willing to share tips or stories for any who ask :) otherwise I just wanted to share this milestone.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 hours ago

I'm looking for new hobbies, but I'm in s life phase where time, energy and ability to learn things and cope with frustration and bad vibes is very short.

Is DnD a good idea in my case?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

What happened after you got your players handbook? Did you start your own group?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

Since you have experience DMing games for different ages than yours (or I expect that's the case since you talk of birthdays and after school programs), what would be your advice to lead a game with kids that you think it's different from just a bunch of friends playing specially if they are old enough that no theme is out of bounds.

Like I mention in some other comment, I want to start a game and DM both my kids and my wife using the Adventure Time RPG books based on 5E. My biggest issue is that both kids are quite far apart in age, 4 and 8 and I'm inexperienced being a DM so handling both and making the game fun for all feels like a daunting experience. So as an extra question, have you ever been the DM of a game where players had meaningful difference in age?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 14 hours ago (3 children)

what do you think is the best way for someone who hasn't played (but watched d20 and cr) to get involved if there's no d&d in close social circles?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

The Discord of Many Things has a LFG channel!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago

Online! There are a lot of online places to find groups. Roll20, the LFG subreddit, Facebook groups, etc.

I’ve found groups online and DMed them.

I just advise that you look for groups accepting brand new players, and find ones that stick closer to the rules.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

Online groups! There are great ways to play using things like Discord or other voice options, along with digital tabletops (roll20) or virtual tabletop applications (Foundry, Talespire, Tabletop Simulator or even the new beta for Project Sigil).

Online has its own set of bumps and friction points, but it can be a good way to get your feet wet with the rules and also practice the role play part. Just make sure that you're finding a group that is like-minded. There is often something called a "session 0" where the group will discuss the expectations in behavior and roleplay and responsibilities. It doesn't always happen with online groups, but in that case make sure you have a DM who is setting those expectations in advance.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

When you said officially I imagined you had stumbled your way into becoming an official DM for WotC, running games somewhere in one of their basements, as a job.

As someone who has been a DM for 20+ years, my advice to green ones is that now is the time for you to drop just playing D&D and learn of other pastures, there is a world to explore when it comes to RPGs, or a few. Take a look at some other games/systems, it'll make you a better DM.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 hours ago

Eventually you get to the point where you're just writing your own systems and/or mechanics

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago

lol I wish

And personally, every time I have dabbled into other systems it just makes me like 5e more lol

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Have you DMed for any other systems, and how was it?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

Only very briefly.

I tried to run both of the major Pokémon tabletop games (PTA and PU, I think). Personally they were too “crunchy” for me, and the spreadsheets needed to track all the Pokémon was pretty intense and overwhelming.

It was short lived though. The time with my friends, we all just got overwhelmed and it fizzled out before we even started playing. The time I tried online, honestly one of the players was disturbing and another was a major complainer so I just full on ghosted (the only time I have). In those games, the trainers can fight alongside the Pokémon - like you can be a Karate guy and kick a Pikachu or whatever. This guy went into detail describing how he used his mind powers to torture a Weedle into submission. The other kept complaining when each encounter WASNT a skitty.

Other then that, I briefly started to learn the Genesys system because I was interviewing for a game design position at Fantasy Flight Games, and part of their process was creating a creature and encounter, etc. Personally the system was terrible lol. I did not get the job unfortunately.

So I just stick with good ol DnD 5e / 2024.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What would be your advice to a DM starting a full homebrew campaign for the first time?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Start small with just a town. Create an inviting encounter - maybe it’s attacked by goblins or kobolds or something. Just enough that your players can help.

Keeping it small means you can more easily build it. A blacksmith, a church, a tavern or inn, maybe a general goods store.

Then as you need, build larger. Make the surrounding forest and field. Add a river and small lake nearby. Maybe some foothills that lead to mountains.

Not that you need those things, but the idea is start small and local, build outward. Don’t feel like you need an entire religious pantheon, world creation myth, history of politics and resources and all of that. You just need what your players see for adventure.

Last bit: don’t forget to make it weird. If everything behaves normally and as expected, it can get boring. Maybe the innkeep has a minor fiend chained in the basement. Maybe on the road the party meets a talking tortoise. Maybe in the pile of loot from the goblins, they find a purple metal coin.

Plant those weird little seeds of interest. Your players will seek them, and help you grow them.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Love it thank you! Talking turtle is definitely going into the campaign

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

You’re welcome :) goodluck!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What was the worst most unlikely death you've seen as a dm

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That’s an interesting question lol.

So one that really shocked the table was when the party tiefling cleric Hymnal died. The party was mid-high level and deep in a cult stronghold. They needed to enter the core chamber, but did not have a direct route; it was ride a water flume to an unknown end in the hopes it leads there, or go through a long cave system dungeon. They chose the dungeon.

Found an optional obstacle, a monolith with a circle of dust around it. Long story short, the goal is they need to have teleportation, good jumping, or high speed to get there. Then, there’s a check to hold on.

Hymnal attempted, got to the top, but fell off. She landed with “that wasn’t so ba-“ ZAP, disintegrated.

Jaws dropped, tears were shed, and it really changed the campaign - they realized death is actually a risk. It was our first major death for the campaign

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 13 hours ago) (1 children)

How do you go on from a player death? Is there in general some trick to balancing the need for risk-taking to be punishing without destroying the fun?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

If a player character dies, I try to make sure it is meaningful in the moment. They get their last words or their dramatic fall to the ground, and depending on the character, they might receive some vision based on their god or whatever.

Moving on past it, usually the player whose character died chills for the moment. Assuming the party has no way of reviving them at the moment, there is usually an in-game discussion on if reviving them is even an option. Out of game we might also talk briefly about if the player wants a new character, or if they want to be revived.

Assuming the revival can’t happen that session, I’ll have the player make a new character and I’ll make sure they are introduced within the first hour of the next session. I hate, hate, hate nothing more as a player than having a session where I literally sit out waiting to be introduced (happened to me twice) for hours IRL.

The only really hard part is if that character had important backstory stuff tied to the big main stuff going on. Just need to be creative, find a way that the plot can still move forward. Or, perhaps it changes the direction the campaign goes - never be afraid to toss your plans out the window.

As for balancing things, it’s truly a trick. I would start softer and ramp it up. The most important piece is learning what your party is currently capable of, and how much punishment they can take before they would break. But never forget three things.

  1. Action economy is king. The more actions one side can take, the sooner they can win. Remember that if one player falls, it not only means that player is down, it means the rest of the party must now fight even harder AND use action economy to perhaps heal/save them or at least protect them from further harm.

  2. The dice can truly be a blessing or a bane (hah). You can handcraft a “perfectly balanced” encounter but the dice will force a different story. Even just the initiative roll can decide combat: once I was a player, around lvl 10 or 12 or so. We got ambushed at night by a fire giant. Rolled initiative, fire giant went last, with me just before. Everyone hammered into it, and then I finished it off with Disintegrate. It didn’t even get a chance to move lol. On the flip side, I’ve seen easy encounters become practically deadly because of bad dice rolls.

  3. (Super illegal tip, keep this on the hush) You can adjust encounters on the fly. You can change the monsters HP. You can add more monsters in or take them away. You can fudge a roll and say the bugbear trips. You can give the TRex the ability to teleport. You should not get in the habit of doing this - if you are adjusting on the fly, it implies that you are controlling the encounter to go how you want it to go, which means removing player agency. Bad. BUT if you’re a new DM and you accidentally make an encounter WAY TOO easy/hard, this is your secret weapon. Key tip with this: once info is known, don’t change it, unless there’s a reason. So if your players attack a Wyvern and a 15 hits, then a 15 should be a hit every time, unless maybe thematically that hit ruined/removed its scales and so you lower the AC.

Sorry that’s a lot lol

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago

Man this all is amazing. I have never DM'd but I want to start soonish. Long ago I grabbed the pathfinder book and the master guide to start some group locally, but that never actually happened (got kids, no time or energy left for much (: ).

Now kids are growing up and I would want to make a small game with them and my wife to teach them about RPGs. Waiting to get the adventure time RPG from kickstarter based on 5E to make the game with them. All your comments are amazing to read and prepare mentally :)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

Thanks for the detailed elaboration! I have thought about putting up a game as a DM, but this aspect has been a little daunting since I feel some responsibility on making things fun lies on me. Nice to hear it is somewhat super illegally not not okay to do some on the fly balance corrections (even though I would never deny my players the fun of having a godlike stomp nor a terrifying encounter).

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What are your "questionable calls" or things you see many DMs doing/not doing that can easily improve gameplay once changed?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Not writing and organizing!

One of the things that really changed how I DM and overall improved my games is writing down session notes, writing and organizing my worldbuilding, and using a calendar to track game events. It really allows you to elevate the game to another level. (I highly recommend Obsidian, OneNote, or Notion. I advise against Google Docs. The reason is efficiency.)

If I have to say something more in-game, it’s don’t be afraid to homebrew. You’re the DM. It’s your table. Imagine what the creature should be able to do, and then find something that already exists and just retool it a bit. Example: giants don’t have written rules about it, but they should totally be able to trample through spaces of other creatures or objects, destroying small buildings etc etc. Just add it! Don’t let WOTC limit what you can do at the table.

I say this is a “questionable call” cause on forums I often see people complain about WOTC stat blocks.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I've been playing for less than a year and so far all DMs I've interacted with do keep notes - I never imagined people would just wing a campaign! The more you know.

As a player all the "questionable calls" I've come across are related to game mechanics - especially when and why you need saving throws/checks. I know the DM has the final word on these, but sometimes they step into stupid territory. I'm 100% with you in that homebrewing to adapt the rules makes sense though.

As a DM, would you have any recommendations in general for players?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Yeah the questionable calls I experienced when I was new were also mechanics related, which is what soured my first time playing.

My recommendation for players aside from usual things you’ll find (learn your characters abilities, show up, be nice to other players, etc) is to remember that DnD is a collaborative experience. Yes you can plan cool stuff for your character, get all into their backstory and motivations, do big stuff in the moment etc. But remember that it’s not about you just doing the coolest thing, it’s about also setting up your fellow players.

When something traumatic happens, ask other characters about it for their opinions. Pry at those cracks they reveal to show their backstory. Involve them in plans, use their skills. People will call it “know when to let others have the spotlight” but really, I would say it’s learning to sense & see the story you’re creating together.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Welcome to the club!

I'll be at 16 years this September

Are you the kind of DM who rides by the seat of their pants on improv or the kind that does meticulous planning?

Personally I'm the improv type. It blows my player's minds whenever they get a glance at my sticky note of prep with about a dozen words hastily scribbled down.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

I used to be purely improv, wrote nothing and planned nothing.

But eventually I learned that taking notes and writing stuff helped, and that planning or at least worldbuilding can be fun.

I still do a lot of things improv - one of my groups overall favorite moment was an arc created entirely from a split-second improv moment. And I’m very comfortable just making it as I go.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Is this the bragging part of the thread? 1970s here. Before there was any "advanced". And I improvise and railroad as the situation and table warrants. Rule zero is have fun.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 14 hours ago

Damn... I thought I'd get to be the old guy with my 35 years experience.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

That's the spirit and damn is it cool to see a DM from so long ago!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What's your favourite "my player shave caught me off guard and I have to improvise" moment, and what did you improvise?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

Probably when one of my players, very early on in my first campaign, jokingly threatened that they should ditch the quest they were on, buy a boat, and sail to some new land. I of course played along and said they would find land eventually. But after that session I drew the rest of the world :) so I like that moment