this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I wonder what country this is that has conscription, speaks English and uses meters.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It might come as a surprise to you, but quite a lot of people in the world learn English as a second language, and terminally online 4chan anons tend to get quite good at it, so this doesn't narrow it down much.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Yes that's why the drill instructor yells in English too. Come on now friend.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Spongebob gets dubbed in many languages. Makes sense anon would translate it back to English for posting on 4chan.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Hmm, that's a good point.

Alright, which country would you suspect then? Because outside of the US, every other English speaking country uses the metric system (but I'm not sure if any of them still have mandatory conscription).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think anon just made up a funny story.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well, it wouldn't be the first time, would it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Hah, no. I just enjoy finding this sort of mistakes in the stories.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

My dad had a similar story. When he got recalled they had to shoot a bunch of nearly depleted ammo for 155 mm arty.

They sit in the field waiting for the command to fire. Guy that has the pull cord had been smoking some weed and was sitting behind the gun drumming.

One of his beats is with the hand in which he has the cord, it was slightly to strong. The gun fires and he gets the recoiling breech block in his face.

My dad jumps on him and keeps his tongue from sliding back in the guys throat. Shouts at the commanding officer to get a medic, finally the guy gets wheeled out by an ambulance. Nothing heard from the guy.

Years later, in a bar he hears some drumming he recognizes. It's the same guy, he got small fracture at the base of his skull and got an army pension for life. Buys the beers for my dad the rest of the evening.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

he gets the recoiling breech block in his face

I expected to respond to this with the sad crab meme captioned "this kills the recruit". That guy must have an amazingly thick skull.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

He was incredibly relaxed, which might have saved him. You see this with drunk drivers too.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Unless Anon served in the Russian army, accidentally shooting a rock 10m away would be quite a serious safety breach leading to a good amount of investigations.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

In soviet Russia the pension will get you for life... Jokes aside he won't get any pension or medical in russian army, just get sent to Ukraine. Cheaper

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago

In Russian army, rock shoots you.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago

Anon is on 4chan and mentioned mandatory service...so yeah, probably Russia or a former Soviet state.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

That's why anon is going to that guy's wedding next week; both were kicked out of army.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Generals totally watch new recruits shoot for the first time.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

And completely neglects the chain of command to directly berate a drill sergeant. That's like the CEO of McDonald's going to a franchise to berate the guy making fries.

And the recruits shoot for their first time at 300 meters.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I mean, occasionally they do. Always popping up where you least expect (or want) them, in my experience.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago

@[email protected]

Yeah, had a navy friend who met 2 different admirals during boot camp and 2 more at their first training command. Some times the sharks like to swim in the ponds

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Would you say that it happens in...

...general?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

It happens in private.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

What happens in the general stays in the general

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

not sure, but i know where the general keeps his armies...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Aye aye Captain!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

I have heard in eastern countries its a bit more common to see them compared to western ones

[–] [email protected] 89 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I want to belive that this is true (and gay)

[–] [email protected] 78 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Anon is attending the guys wedding bc theyre the ones getting married.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Nah... He's marrying the drill sergeant.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago

Directed by JJ Abrams.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

It would be great but OP would be from a country that doesnt speak English and the theme song probably wouldn't be English either. I've watched Bob l'éponge and the song is French.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Idk the Lithuanian one translates to about the same in English and service is mandatory in Lithuania.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

Wer wohnt in ein Ananas ganz tief im Meer? (SpongeBob Schwammkopf)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Reading this I'm pretty sure that's the kind of goofing you end up in at the Swiss army.

Tho having a 300m target distance on your first rifle shooting test seems far to me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

Russian army is big on spongebob songs.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I learned today that Singapore has mandatory military service and a majority English speaking population... So there's a chance

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

Switzerland has it too, and while English isn't the official language almost everyone speaks it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

Negligence discharge will make you wish you were dead though

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Vem bor i en ananas djupt i det blå? Svampbob Fyrkant!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Wait, so blåhaj means sea shark? I thought it was blue shark

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

Blå means Blue and it's kind of a slang word for sea

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Hij woont in een ananas diep in de zee! Spongebob Squarepants!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago