this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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Witches VS Patriarchy
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People who have only just met me typically ask if I have kids (even though they rarely ask my husband the same question). And when I say that I don't, 80% of those people think that "Why not?" is an appropriate follow-up. And about half of them will go on about how having kids is great and I should really do it and that someday I'll change my mind.
Now, I made a choice not to have kids. It's not a difficult subject for me, even though it's annoying to have strangers insinuate that I don't know myself well enough to make that decision. But I have several loved ones who have suffered miscarriages and fertility issues, and I know that they feel really uncomfortable answering that question.
So right around the time I turned 35, my standard response became, " You know, when a woman gets to be a certain age and she doesn't have kids, there's usually a reason, and she usually doesn't want to discuss it with strangers."
That usually stops those people in their tracks. And I hope it has stopped at least one of them from asking a really invasive question to a person who's overly sensitive about the fact that they can't have kids.
All that to say that humoring someone and naming the five songs (or saying that you can't) out of politeness just reiterates that they were correct to act as a gatekeeper. Pointing out how rude the question is might actually change their behavior in the future.
To be fair, you actually don't know if you'd be happier with kids since you don't, you know, have any kids.
And now imagine you do have kids and actually know that you were happier before ....
Thats a bummer. You should get out of there, kids can tell when a parent doesnt want them.
Don't worry, this was just hypothetical. I actually love my kids.
I approve this emotional roller coaster, it had a good ending!
For having this mindset, you deserve all the good things in life